I have had a very busy 2 weeks. I need to get around to some new posts...however, I have been turned on to the newest form of "literary Crack". I feel compelled to read in my spare time (what spare time I have). I feel like the boy in the 1980's movie "The Neverending Story" I want to sit down, with a blanket and a PB&J and just read. Not to worry though, I am almost through with Eclipse....
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Happy Easter!... I worked today, as I will for several more Easters. On my way in today I saw the most amazing sunrise. I know what your thinking...sun, there was sun today? Yep, only for the sunrise though. It was an amazing bleed of colors from a deep crimson to a bright orange. The sun reflected on the clouds that were moving in and it light up the sky. It was as if God was reminding me that today was the celebration of his Resurrection. I sometimes, ok often, feel as though I am missing out on my weekly worship. I work EVERY weekend and have missed out on going to church for almost 3 years now. As I listened to my ipod, the song 'Here I am to Worship' by Sonicflood came on...."here I am to worship, here I am to bow down, here I am to say that your my God. Your altogether lovely, altogether worthy, altogether wonderful to me." I realized that I was having my very own worship session right there on the way to work. I know it sounds silly, but it made me feel better going to work, knowing that I wasn't missing out.
I am going to make a worship play list, so that I will have the opportunity to worship anytime!
Thursday, April 9, 2009
I have become friends with several people at Jazzercise over the past 2 years. Most of them have young kids as well. I have also become friends with the mom of a girl the same age as Victoria. They are both in the 8th grade, and have the same circle of friends. We all know what that means...fights. Girls are notorious for their hate/love relationships. Most of us went through it, and are glad that we made it out. This friend of mine, had been very supportive of me when I was having a hard time with Victoria last summer. I have made no secrets that I KNOW my child isn't perfect. Anyway, I am very thankful of her support, it meant a lot. Victoria has been back at her school since January, and has had a hard time with being welcomed back. Her best friend has always had her back, but the other girls depend on the day if they are friends with her or not. My friends daughter has been one of the hot/cold friends. She has (according to Victoria) been a large part of the problem. I have never let this affect our friendship...why should I? I know she has no control over her daughter. I know for a fact that she doesn't know as much about her daughter's behavior as I do mine (good and bad). It just never crossed my mind to allow my friendship to be linked to our daughters'. I found out today that this feeling is one sided. My friends daughter has recently become the target of the school drama. Of course this drama is all day to day, I never know when it is over. Today, I casually mentioned something funny that Victoria told me about herself and my friends daughter. I just meant it as small talk, but she told me "I don't want to talk about this with you" and walked off. I approached her and told her that I wasn't meaning any disrespect to her daughter. She replied "there is just too much going on right now for me to talk to you".
WHAT??? I am 34 years old, I don't need to be treated like a 7th grader. I am glad that she showed her true feelings. It was fine when Victoria was the target, and I was blowing it off, but apparently my daughter is the only one who isn't perfect. NEWSFLASH- NO ONE HAS PERFECT KIDS!!!! and if you think you do, then you have a bigger problem than you think.
Monday, April 6, 2009
It is no secret that I have been struggling with raising my kids lately. It is very mentally/physically stressful. I am very lucky to have friends and family to help me realize what I have suppressed....Being a mom is the only job that matters. I am lucky that I have girlfriends who go through the same things, and make me feel sane, and family that love me enough to share what they miss. My Grandma Hayden (mom's mom) had my mom post a poem as a comment on my last blog...it made me cry. Tonight, when I put Devon to bed, I stayed a little longer, just to smell him, and kiss his sweet cheeks. Even though Jake tries my patience, I love that he still loves sitting on my lap in his "rock you" while I read him a book every night. Victoria, is a little tougher to snuggle with these days, so I will settle for all the girl gossip, and am glad that she keeps me in the loop.
Here is the poem...hope it means as much to you, as it did to me.
I have no time to sweep the floor. The piano collects dust like never before. The wast basket is full, there are marks on the wall. The telephone is ringing, can't take any calls. I'm sitting here rocking my tiny new son, closing my eyes to the days work not done. I know from experience the future becomes past, these moments are treasures, I want them to last long after he is grown. I'll sit in this chair and feel the soft touch of his baby fine hair. I'll rock by this window till the first star appears polishing the memories of my childbearing years.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
I love being a mom, I love all of my kids and am so proud that God gave them to me. I just have one question....how to get it all done? Seriously, is there a Mommy School out there that instructs us moms on how to get more done in a day than just getting our kids clothed, fed, changed, bathed, and put to bed? I do try to get to Jazzercise for an hour, or at least an outing of some sort a couple of times a week. This takes up my whole day. Victoria constantly tells me what a messy house we live in, and I agree. It looks good from about 9pm to 7am every day, but drop by anytime during daylight hours and my house looks like a Picasso painting. I can't keep up with the boys laundry. I can never find time to put away the clothes, if they are sleeping, I am not waking them to put stuff in their drawers, so in the basket they sit. I love, love, love being their mom, but feel like a failure at every other task involved in being a stay home mom. I know that someday, I will look back and wish I could spend more time with them. I just wish I could get more done in one day and still get all the love in.