Breakfast at Wal-mart

Future Olympian

2011-12-13T12:33:00.000-06:00

I see a future Olympian at my house! No, not my kids....me. I will be competing in several "up and coming events" or at least I will be petitioning that they become events. Mommyhood has provided more challenging events on a daily basis than I could have ever dreamed. Some days I am not as high scoring as other. I think, however, that I will have enough skills to compete in the following events:

1. Early Morning Appointments- this event includes getting all children awake, dressed, fed, seasonal accessories (i.e hats,coats, shoes etc...), distraction/nutritional time consuming items, getting them all secured appropriately in their safety seats, and arriving on time (yes on time, did you see this list early is not likely).
2. PM Kindergarten preparedness- This event includes: getting anything that you need to get done that morning done (i.e. showering, appts, grocery shopping, dishes,laundry etc..), feeding your kindergartner, making sure that he/she has shoes and clothes on (yes this can go unnoticed), making sure eyeglasses are on child, finding then unloading (if not already done night before) backpack, reloading backpack, watching for bus, making sure the rest of children in the house do not escape when the bus comes for the kindergartner.
3.The bedtime routine - We all know this one....lets review- First off, you need to make sure that the children have eaten dinner (always a plus!), if your really going for the gold, clean table and dishes up before bedtime routine is in full swing. Picking out the jammies (the path of least resistance works best here), The bath, everyone gets clean, dried and into previously agreed upon jammies, teeth brushing, potty time, then book choosing, book reading, back rubbing, threatening (don't act shocked, if, er I mean when they get out of bed, I get ticked). lights out, going back up to remove toys, separate children or (in my case...the last straw) yelling...first one to get kids to SLEEP wins.

In the Olympic events that I am entering, the prize will not be a medals, it will be Bronze- Alcoholic beverage of choice!, Silver-Massage followed by alcoholic beverage of choice!, Gold-a vacation with (unlimited) alcoholic beverages of choice!

I will be going for the Gold! Wish me luck! I get daily practice, so I should be prepared.

The Culprit

2011-11-29T10:37:00.001-06:00

I am a mommy sleuth...I amaze my kids by knowing who is responsible for whatever it is. I love the looks on their faces when I say, "Devon, I know you wiped the peanut butter and jelly from your hands onto the blinds, you need to clean it". Just today, I witnessed Jake whisper in Devon's ear, he then told Devon to "do it!", Devon hit him and Jake yelled "mom Devon needs to go to time out in his room, he hit me!" Devon, looking at him like he is crazy, looks at me and just shakes his head in disbelief. Jake too looked at me in amazement when I told him...."NO! you just told him to do that, I will not punish him for what you did." They look at me as though I am some sort of amazing all knowing person. Callie, now that she crawls all over the house at lightening speed, has been blamed for all sorts of things she didn't do. Jake will tell me "Callie spilled my chocolate milk while she was playing with Devon's cars" meanwhile his elbow is smack next to the spilled milk while he is playing with his cars. Devon will blame Jake for spilling the cat's water, when Callie still has her hand on the bowl. I find it very amusing! I wonder when their deductional reasoning will kick in....or has it already. I have often wondered if this calculating is purposeful, if so I am in big trouble. Until then, I find it very funny when I hear things like "it was Callie that hit Devon, not me!"

Happy Birthday Devon

2011-10-26T10:37:00.002-05:00

Well, I am a little behind, but I am so proud of my little man! Devon is 3 years old...wow, I don't understand. I can't believe how fast time flies now that I am an adult, and even faster since I am a mom. Devon is the most sweet, funny, tough, and freakishly strong little guy for 3. We had a BLAST at his Pumpkin Patch birthday party! Devon's favorite part? The Zip line....yes, he is too short to reach the handle, but they let him ride anyway. He held on as tight as possible and even though he isn't heavy enough to make it down and back, he NEVER let go. Really, the lady had to come get this tough little guy down. Here is a pic of his final spot, I laughed so hard I cried (and nearly peed myself).

Thank You Pinterest!

2011-09-19T22:02:00.001-05:00

The first of a few crafts that I will be doing....Thanks to Pinterest! This was very fun, and I LOVE it!

This makes me smile : )

2011-09-18T19:56:00.000-05:00

What a smart way to get up into the tree....my little problem solver.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jake has informed us that the reason that he has streaks in his undies is that his butt gets grumpy and makes him need to poop in his underwear :)

Out of the mouth of babes...

2011-09-16T09:36:00.005-05:00

Me: Devon, come here I need to change your poopy booty (yes, he still wears diapers, he has NO desire to go in the potty. I have a 7 month old, so I have NO desire to play his games...he'll do it someday)

Devon: Alright, Alright.....(he saunters along, playing with toys)

Me: Devon, what are you doing? come here please!

Devon (walking to me as an almost 3 year old, but talking like a 16 year old): why you so worry 'bout me for?

------------------

Me: Jake do you need to go poop (it really is all about poop at our house)?

Jake: NO!

Me: Jake, you need to go, why don't you go?

Jake: The poop is trying to control me! I don't like it to control me!
------------------

This morning, Callie was fussing in her room during her morning nap, and let out a very loud shreek.

Jake: That was LOUD! I think she must be turning into something! like a monster

Buttons

2011-09-07T10:29:00.003-05:00

Devon knows just how to push Jake's buttons. Devon has the sense of humor of a 30 year old man. He is kind of warped that way. He thinks it is funny to see Jake freak out...so he induces it sometimes. Here are a couple of examples:

Yesterday after Jake got home from school, Devon was still asleep. Jake went up to their room to wake him up (I asked him too).
Jake: "Devon...time to wake up buddy"
Devon: "I frew your Cars 2 lightening away"
Jake (freaking out, runs downstairs): "Mom!!!! Mom!!! Devon threw away my Cars 2 Lightening...we gotta dig through the trash now!
Devon (walking happily downstairs): "Hi mom! I'm awake! can I have a nack?"

P.S. Cars 2 lightening has been found...not in the trash, but in the Bat mobile

This morning Jake was looking for the hat for his Woody doll.

Jake: "Devon, where is my Woody's hat?" "What did you do with it?"
Devon: (yells) "I frew it downstairs!" (as he smirks, and sits calmly on the couch)
Jake (freaking out again): "mom! Devon threw my Woody's hat downstairs, we gotta go get it!"

No worries Woody's hat has been found...under the stove.

These little things make me laugh...and worry what trouble the years ahead will bring :)

Jake the film maker

2011-09-06T12:26:00.000-05:00

Most kids love to play, Jake is no different in that respect. Jake just has a very loyal sense about him and it carries over to his playing. Most of you know that Jake is a VERY loyal Pixar fan. I believe it was just before his 2nd birthday that he first watched Toy Story, then got his first Buzz and Woody. Cars, the movie followed soon....and they have alternated between the favorite and 2nd favorite ever since.

As result of this love of Pixar and their movies, Jake is interested in how the movies are made. He loves to know how "they created Buzz and Woody", and how to create the movie. This has translated into Jake "stealing" my iphone and "making movies" or taking my iphone and shooting video. All kinds of video, play video, candid video, and staged video. This used to frustrate the crap out of me, because I would need to use my phone and couldn't find it. The frustration stopped when Victoria and I were watching the video's that Jake had taken. They were pretty great (for a 6 year old at least). I could tell that he really liked making these videos and had a pattern and theme to them. I was impressed, and not too surprised, Jake is a very creative guy (gets it from Colby). The thing I was surprised about was that the videos were not Pixar related. Even though Pixar is top dog, Marvel and its gang is following close behind around here. Jake received a ton of superhero toys for his birthday (as requested). The videos I saw were all Marvel (Theme) and each video had a different super hero.

I decided that Jake needed to see what his video process could turn into. We have an iMac, that has iMovie installed. So, like any good mom would do, I helped him edit his videos into a MOVIE! I clipped together the video in a way that it told the story Jake wanted. Every movie needs a soundtrack, so I added one. The result? A super great movie and what could be the beginning of a great talent/career (I'm crazy I know). When I showed Jake the movie, he asked "Is it going to be shown on the big screen?", I told him "No, buddy, not this movie". Jake then told me (while shaking his head in determination) "well, I'm going to make movies until they show one on the big screen!!"

I think he'll do it, that is just the type of kid he is.....so without further adieu... Jake's 1st Movie

Give and Take

2011-09-01T11:17:00.001-05:00

I am sure you all remember that Colby and I are getting out of debt. This task has been slowed dramatically the past year. A number of things have caused the slowing. Saving for maternity leave last year (like Dave Ramsey suggests). Then while on maternity leave we spent $8000 in home/car repairs (yes you read right $8000. I didn't fall on the zero button on accident). The day before Callie was born our furnace/heat pump went out. It turns out that because we are the only house in our subdivision with a heat pump the builder didn't know how to install one correctly. Thus, 5 years later we have to get a whole new system. Yippee! Then the super crazy wind storms this spring means that we had to get roofing repairs. Not to feel out done, Colby's Jeep decided that it needed a new transmission. ARGH!!!! I am sad to report that we had to take out a small loan to help cover the Jeep, everything else, we used our Emergency fund for. This is a double edged sword, WE PAID CASH for MOST of our Murphy's Law issues. However we had to get a small loan, and lost out on the money we were looking forward to slamming onto our debt. Since then, we have had a hard time geting that snowball moving. I went back to work to find out that the free flowing extra shifts had become very hard to get. I also am now very frustrated that I have to spend so much time away from my family, that I am not very motivated to actually work extra.

Time for change!!! I decided enough is enough, I am now on a committee that I am doing a project for, this gets me hours. I am going to work hard to get at least 1 extra shift a month, and I have to get several more trauma hours in (also money). Only downside is that in order to do this, I need a babysitter that can swing by for a couple of hours. Enter www.care.com where we looked for a local person to help us out. My mom does when she has time, but sometimes she can't. It was nice to screen people and find the perfect match. We found Mandy, a local girl who is going to college to be a teacher and only needs a few hours a month! Perfect match! I am cheap, I 'm not going to lie, but I am fine paying someone in order to bring more money in. I see it as give and take. I've gotta give money in order to get some more : ) I forsee this bringing in enough money to make a difference. I am too determined to get out of debt to quit, so doing this is just one more thing to make it happen. We are too close to the finish line to stop now.

It really is about the journey

2011-08-25T21:07:00.000-05:00

As I mentioned earlier, I am on a weight loss mission. I am done having babies, and I'm not getting any younger so now is the time. I am learning to run, I like it, I just need to get stronger and faster. I will, I know this. I have learned how to just accept that right now I am doing my best and that is good enough. I am not just running, I am working out as well. I have read that running by itself is not the best way to loose weight, the stronger you are the more muscle you have to burn more fat. Lets face it people if this is true then I am on my way to being a body builder...I've got a lot of fat to burn. Ok so body builder is extreme, you get my drift. I do want to run though. I want to run races and get that feeling of accomplishment. I know that running a race is more about the journey there than the 5k, 10k, half or full marathon themselves. I guess I see myself getting stronger, faster, healthier, wiser, and just plain old more confident than I am right now. I see each of those races as stepping stones to the final prize....me looking back at the path that I took to get there. Corney sounding I know, but I see that as a huge prize.
I have recently met someone who is purposely cheating herself out of the journey. I am not sure why, but she misleads people about her actual accomplishments. This bothers the crap out of me! There are various reasons that I know that she is misleading people. The misleading isn't even my problem, my problem is "why can't she love the progress she has really made", "why can't she love herself where she is at right now". I would love to push the fast forward button on my goals, but the reward wouldn't be as great. It really is about that journey, the path we choose to take, and how we learn from it.

Back on the Wagon

2011-08-16T22:56:00.000-05:00

Hi, my name is Joleene and I have a problem. It's been a 3 week binder, and it's gotta end. No, not that kind of binder. I fell off the eating as healthy as possible wagon. I hit my 1st weight loss goal early. As of 7/19 (the day before Jake's birthday) I had lost 34 pounds since March 24. I was very proud of myself, and since it was Jake's birthday treated myself. His party was that weekend...and I treated myself. Ok people, I am not gonna lie, these past few weeks a lot of Sonic Blasts, Malts, and Bacon cheeseburgers have been involved. Maybe even some other deviously deliciousness as well. I would love to blame the 9 million degree heat we had during that time. It was hot, and I did need to cool down, but damn it my self control went down the drain. I didn't really even workout very much. I hurt my knee and then I had a stupid sinus infection. I can only thank my lucky stars that I didn't gain 1 pound...I even lost 2 more. I am pretty sure that really I have Callie to thank for helping loose those 2 pounds despite my binging.

This week, I started anew. Back to limiting my caloric intake between 1800 and 1900 calories. I am not too strict with myself because of my breastfeeding Callie. I don't want my milk supply to slow down. I am also back to my working out. Last night I went for a run. I ran 3.5 miles in 44 minutes. I know this isn't Kenyan speed, but for me it is very good. I am getting faster and running farther. I can thank www.legacyft.com for helping me get stronger. I am not always a consistent attendee but try to go 3-4 times a week. I have a crazy love/hate relationship with working out. I love the feeling I get and even love pushing myself as hard as I can, but I hate getting my butt up to go. I will though, because I have another goal that I WILL hit. I will loose 18 more pounds by 10/22...Devon's birthday party day....oh crap, I hope I don't have a pattern starting here : )

New addiction

2011-08-10T23:48:00.000-05:00

Well crap! I am now addicted to the "you know you went to Sumner if" page on Facebook! That is all I have time to say...back to reliving the things I forgot (and love to remember) about The best High School in all of the 'Dotte!

Sing it...."Summer Sabers, Blue and Silver, we have pledged our hearts to thee, and we'll remember all our lives, our SUMNER ACADEMY!"

The value of a day off

2011-08-07T23:24:00.000-05:00

I was put on call today! If you aren't in the medical field, then you should know this is a big deal! It is very rare to have the hospital call ME and ask me if I want to stay home....ummmYES!!! always! I work EVERY weekend, this is what we Weekend Option girls call "the golden handcuffs". I get to be home M-F, this means no daycare, I am a full time mom, my kids have a parent with them 7 days a week, and I get paid at full time rates. Sounds great right? Well, I work all Saturdays and Sundays, I get 4 days off a year and get to be sick 2 times every 6 months. I literally work 46-48 weekends a year depending on how many times I am sick. As great for our family as this is, it means that Colby and I rarely have days at home together. We have evenings, but that isn't the same as sharing a day together. I miss him, I miss our kids getting to have days where mom and dad are both home (they are better when we are both home). I miss T-ball games, friends' birthday parties, etc. I would love to to say we are close to being done doing this, but in reality we have a couple of more years.

As a result, ANY time I get a chance to spend an unexpected day with my husband and kids, I'm going to make the most of it. We did! we all played on the floor with Callie (who is just now sitting on her own!) We napped, and then went to the park after the rain cooled down the heat some....It was a great day! Jake told me "Next Sunday we should all have another day together!" Someday buddy, someday!

Crazy hair, but I'm sitting up!

They are "Thor"

I am NOT a tree hugger

2011-08-05T23:02:00.000-05:00

I know I would have never in a million years seen myself as the mom I am now. I breast feed, use a "Hooter Hider" to do so in public. I wear my baby in my "Mobey Wrap" sling. I am now adding "baby food maker" to my list of free loving momma stuff to do. I have to admit, I bought the Baby Bullet for 2 reasons...1. It's cute, 2. it is cheaper to make my own food (like way cheaper...I was crazy not to do this before!). I have now made 3 different meals for Callie. Avocado, Green Beans (from mom's garden) and tonight I made applesauce. This all sounds so complicated, but it isn't. I still think, oh man, I might not be able to do this. Every time I make a new food, I laugh and think to myself "Man that was so easy...and FUN!" I admit this places me further into the hippie tribe, but I like it. Oh, and just so you know...no worries I drew the line long ago at diapers. I will only use the disposable, land filling easy for me to use Pampers!

Devon in Drag...kind of

2011-08-03T22:25:00.000-05:00

If you have ever had a 2 year old, then you know what kind of craziness can happen in a couple of unattended minutes. Devon is very 2, he is very similar to a Tasmanian devil. Destruction, injury, and shenanigans follow his path. During this scorching summer our biggest struggle is him chucking toys at his brother when he doesn't get what he wants. I think the extreme heat has both kept him inside and hindered his energy burn. One thing it hasn't hindered is his curiosity. We are always on the lookout for whatever it is Devon's got planned. This evening when I was nursing Callie, he and Jake were playing the Wii (so we thought). When I finished, Colby mentioned to me that he thought Devon got into the toilet paper in the upstairs (all kids') bathroom. I saw the unraveled TP, but noticed something else as well....an open and obviously used mascara brush. I looked around and thought...."ok, he tried to color with it on the vanity, then tried to clean it up with the TP, no biggie". I called for Devon to come help me clean up the TP. I heard him coming up the stairs, and I started to tell him not to color with Victoria's mascara and not to use so much TP to clean it. It was then that I heard him utter, in a guttural tone. "WHAT?" I turned to see.........this

I had no words...only hysterical laughter! My first thought was "Alice Cooper costume or drag dancer at a Cabaret". No worries, when I asked him what made him do that, he responded "I'm a girl la" translation "Gorilla". Ohhhhh! Ok, that was my 37th guess. Never a dull moment : ) Oh, Devon if you do decide to be a drag dancer, you will be beautiful.

May I introduce (a little late) Callie Renee Miller

2011-08-02T22:55:00.000-05:00

Wow! It has been a while since I have Blogged! I got lazy, and frankly burned out. I know that sounds silly, but I just kind of lost my Mojo. Well I'm bringing it back!

I got a dose of reality today when a high school friend of mine commented about not wanting to forget her baby's moments, smell etc. I realized that is what blogging does it captured those moments I want to freeze. I then realized that I have never once blogged about my new princess. So without further adieu, I introduce Callie Renee Miller!

Callie was born Thursday February 10th, 2011 at 11:25am (after only 3 1/2 hours of labor!) she weighed 7lbs and 11oz and was 19inches long.

Callie is named after Colby's Maternal Grandmother Callie Fae (Lee) Beard. She is a wonderful woman and we are so honored to name our beautiful baby girl after her. We gave her my middle name Renee, I love that a part of my name gets to be passed down.

When we first saw Callie we had to laugh. Jake was the winner! All along Jake had insisted that Callie would have brown hair like him and blue eyes like Devon. Guess what? He was right. Callie is a perfect mix of her big brothers, and sister.

Callie is a great baby! (at least for me, she does give daddy a hard time on the weekends) She is very mellow, supper happy, and sleeps all night! Yes, you read right, my breastfed baby girl has slept 12 hours a night since she was about 3 months old. I am just glad that this occurred with my last baby and not the first. I would have not done well with getting up to feed in the middle of the night if I were used to sleeping like I get to with miss Callie.

Callie has won us all over (not that this was a huge task) she has her brothers fighting over who gets to hold her, her sister waking up early to come in and see Callie in the morning. Daddy's eyes light up when he sees her beautiful smile and I just melt when I walk into her room every morning.

I am So glad that she has completed our family! I just love her so much! I can't even imagine our lives without her in it. She completes us...our little Callie the Finale :)

Parents should never have to bury their children

2010-08-24T09:10:00.000-05:00

A boy that Victoria was friends with was killed last night in a car accident. I don't think they know the specifics yet, but it was on some country roads and I don't think there is a stop sign in either direction. The car was T-boned and he died at the scene. I knew that it had occurred, because my mom called to make sure we were all safe after she heard breaking news. I even kind of assumed it would involve a teenager, I know that isn't a very kind thing to assume, but I did. We had Back to School night at the High School last night, and even though nothing was said, there were some things that pointed to it being a student. One of the teachers who was supposed to be talking about his class was called away on an emergency. It just so happens that V and Andrew were in the same class. At the end of the night, the Principal announced an emergency staff meeting immediately after the Open House was over. It is funny how thinking that you know what is going on somehow distances you from the emotions that go with actually knowing what is going on. When we got home a friend of Victoria called and informed her that in fact it was a friend of theirs, Andrew, who was killed. I feel very bad for the kids and Victoria for what they will be feeling over the next year or longer about this. I feel the most pain, and sorrow for Andrew's parents. I haven't been able to stop thinking of them, though I have never met them. I haven't the smallest idea what they are going through, and to be honest, I never want to know. I can only imagine how they are able to function. I don't know for sure, but I feel like my heart would stop beating and my lungs stop breathing if I had to deal with anything of the sort. I will pray without ceasing that they are able to hang on to each other and move forward from here. I don't propose to even understand how they can do it, but I know that the more people praying for the same thing, can feel to them, like a rope to hold on to. Parents should never have to bury their children, and the ones that do, I give you all my heart and strength.

Jake's first day of Pre-K= deceit

2010-08-20T09:09:00.000-05:00

Monday was technically Jake's first day but due to his Tonsil and Adenoidectomy, he didn't go until today. He was cleared to go back on Tuesday (their class is MWF) but he was hurting too much for my liking on Wednesday, so I kept him with me. There has been an issue with him returning though. Open Arms, the preschool/daycare center that he goes to, claimed that he couldn't return with any restrictions, i.e. no physical activity. This flat out pissed me off, their claim was that they didn't want to be unfair to him to have him sit out. What? I have sent thousands of patients home with "may return to school, but no physical activity" in my 14 years at CMH. Never has a parent told me that their school thinks that is "unfair".
Monday when we went to drop off his supplies and explain to the teacher he had to leave, we talked to the new director. She was the person who explained to me that if I wanted to pick him up at recess that I could do that. She informed me that their recess time was at the end of the class, so that seemed like a perfect solution. FF to today. I drop Jake off, then ask the teacher if I needed to be here by 10:30 to get him before recess. She looked confused and said "we go to recess at 9:00". She pointed to the class schedule, and yep, that is when they do recess. I was just about to start to ask if I needed to pick him up for 20 min in the middle of the school day, when another mom saved me. I am horrible with names sometimes, and I just remember her as Hadley's mom. Anyway, Hadley's mom told me "I overheard them talking, Mrs Susan has no idea what you are talking about, hurry just go before they notice" it seems the director is the only one who feels this way. So Devon and I scurried out of the place before anyone was the wiser. Do I feel bad that Jake is probably going to play when he should still be resting? Kind of, I do know what to look for when he gets home, but at the same time, he shouldn't have to miss school when he has been cleared by his surgeon since Tuesday. Besides, I am kind of a "buck the system" kind of gal anyway.

T-ball comes to a close

2010-06-29T21:41:00.000-05:00

Last night was Jake's final T-ball game of the year. Even though the season kind of drug on (thanks to weeks of rained out games), it was bittersweet watching him play that last game. Jake has always loved baseball, but didn't seem so interested at first in playing (or at least practicing) I think it was a lot of factors that added together. 1. most of the kids were a year or 2 older (this is a big deal when you aren't even 5), 2. he hasn't figured out how to catch the ball yet, and 3. the coach never let him just go up and hit the ball the way he knows how, she always had to "help"him (don't get me wrong, she did the best coaching job she could given what she had to work with). As a result, he wasn't as excited as we thought he would be about playing T-ball. Until the last game that is....he told us that he loved playing catcher ( kind of ironic since he can't catch, lol) , that he loved playing T-ball.....just not practicing.

Here is a good action shot of Jake hitting the ball, if you look close you can see the ball headed to the First basemen.

Jake with his tongue hanging out, running (he really doesn't run, it is more of a rapid mosey) back to the dugout after scoring!

Oh, yes, I let him wear shorts, he is too small and skinny to wear the baseball pants that were XS, we also let him wear his tennis shoes the last game, because he outgrew his cleats during the season.

Final huddle of the season.....Gooooo White Sox!

Devon is in a big boy bed.

2010-06-24T12:01:00.001-05:00

Last night when we were putting Devon to bed, he started climbing out...over and over again. I decided to see how far out he could actually get, when he did a face plant where he even bit his tongue (mother of the year I know). So what to do, but transform the crib into a toddler bed. We had done it before, and it doesn't take too long. Plus we already had bedding from when Jake used it. He looks so cute in his new little toddler bed. Of course he did fall out a couple of times last night. Not to worry, I am getting some pillows to line the floor with to help comfort the falls from now on. Kind of sad taking that crib down, it kind of feels like my baby is a big boy : (

Ferris will make it all better

2010-05-17T12:16:00.001-05:00

In the words of my friend Ashley....."a cat.....................what prompted this? Thought you wanted to plant a few shrubs.......hehe" We did buy our peonies, but it was too stinking rainy all weekend to plant our memorial flowers.....so we decided to get a kitten to love on : )

In fairness, Devon has been asking Colby for a couple of weeks now "where Kiki go?" with his hands out in a questioning maner. We did need to put some love on something small, so it is a win-win situation.

Meet Ferris, we changed his name from the the ever cute kitten name Phineas. We didn't think Phineas would be a good adult cat name, plus we wanted something we came up with. Ferris is of course after "Ferris Bueller's Day off" , he is 10 weeks old, and super stinking cute...

Devon loves him...

Ferris doesn't think what Devon is doing is love....

Jake loves him too, here is a uniquely mellow pic of Jake and Ferris : )

The pain of an empty womb

2010-05-14T10:53:00.001-05:00

I know that this isn't an easy subject to talk about. Hell, I know it isn't an easy subject to read about. I am hoping that writing about it makes it easier, for me and maybe for anyone else who hasn't processed their pain yet.
When most people hear about miscarriages, they think of a beautiful young woman, who desperately wants to have a baby, but is unable to. It is very easy to feel empathy for these woman, because when you know the joy of having a baby, you can't help but wish that for every woman (and the husbands that want the same thing). What we don't hear a lot about, is what I am going through. I have 3 beautiful, and wonderful children, but I don't feel like my family is complete. I know to some people, I should be grateful for the children that I do have, and it is almost offensive to them that I do want one more. I am grateful for my kids, I love them more than they will ever know. I just also know that there is more than enough love to go around another time.
The experience of losing a pregnancy, is a horrible one! It doesn't matter if you have children or not, it all just sucks. I do think that each person experiences different emotions though. My story goes like this...

In October 2008, Colby and I brought home our wonderful baby boy Devon, turns out Devon didn't like it when mommy wasn't around....at all, he was by all accounts a difficult baby, not colicy, just difficult. He knew, that mommy wasn't around and gave daddy a hard time. Colby had a hard time dealing with a mostly grumpy baby every weekend when I went back to work. It was maybe the 3rd or 4th weekend back at work and Colby called to tell me emphatically that we were done having kids....he was serious. From that point on, I did my best to accept that I was done having babies, but my incomplete feeling was still there. By the time Devon was around 9 to 10 months old, he mellowed out. In January 2010, Colby came to me and told me that the reason that he hadn't gone to get "snipped" was because deep down he wanted another baby too. He had reached a point that he knew he wanted a baby and I was overjoyed! We started trying in February, and got a positive test in early March. I had never had any reason to be concerned about a pregnancy, I had always gotten a positive test, then at 40 weeks (or 42 in Victoria's case) given birth to beautiful healthy babies. I went on with my normal everyday life, until the Thursday night after that positive test. I started by just seeing a small amount of brown drainage, this worried me, but my original thought was that I needed to slow down a little. That night, the small brown drainage turned to large and bright red. I was stunned, sad, confused. I told Colby that I thought I had lost the baby, but made an appointment for my Dr anyway. I am a mom, and I love my kids more than anything. I would do anything to save them from harm, but not this time. It was the most defenseless feeling I had felt, to know that my baby was in trouble, but all I could do was sit there and take it. To add insult to the whole idea, the cramping felt more like the contractions that our uterus goes through after you give birth, to get itself back to size. I had felt that pain before, but worn it as a badge of honor, after all, it was a small price for the tiny treasure that was then in my arms. This time every painful contraction, reminded me of the little treasure that I would never get to meet. Colby and I had a very hard time, we had already loved that little baby more than we knew, and now we had to come to terms with what we will never understand.
I am a nurse, my brain understands that the pregnancy was doomed, and that is why I lost it. My heart however, can't comprehend anything other than the pain that is occurring. As a matter of fact, it is easier for my brain to focus on the sadness of the moment than to try to comprehend that the baby I was losing was a failure, a mismatched chromosomal mess. I will never view it like that, my heart won't allow it.

Colby and I were able to heal from that situation, and move forward. We had another positive pregnancy test on May 2 and we were both cautiously excited. Each day that went well, we gained more confidence and excitement. then the evening of May 11th, I noticed a pale pink drainage, as if it were diluted water color. I hardly slept, I dreaded what was coming, but was hoping to be put on bed rest until it subsided. The morning of May 12th, my worst fear came back...bright red blood. I burst into a sobbing mess. Why? Why us? Why now? We just went through this, we have had our turn at that, not again! I am blessed to have Colby as my husband, he stayed home from work and went with me to see my OB. Oddly enough, it made it easier to hear that I lost my baby, when it was followed by words of encouragement from my OB. He feels like we will have another baby, that statistically 30% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, we were just unfortunate enough to go through it 2 times in a row. This time was also less physically painful, though my mind remembers the horrible previous pain with each small cramp or each new pad. This time, I am just very dizzy and lightheaded. I still hurt, just not as much.
I decided that it would be easier to share my pain in a cathartic effort to get myself in the right mental place. I am not going to work this weekend, it would be too hard to see those little babies without setting me back a lot. I am instead going to spend it with the wonderful family that I do have. I know that we still have love for another child, and we are not going to give up. I have also thought of a way to keep the memory of theses 2 babies. I am going to get 2 peony plants (my favorite) and plant them in remembrance. Every year I will get to see those plants grow and bloom, and every time I look at them, I will remember the love that I have for these two lost babies. It may not be the way everyone will deal with their pain, but I hope it works for me.

Best buddies!

2010-04-16T12:20:00.001-05:00

Jake has a best friend. His name is Nick. We love getting to spend time with Nick and his family. Today the boys and I went to the Great Mall for a playdate with Nick and his mom. I am so glad that we let the boys do this.........They had to hold on to each other so that they wouldn't fall off of the stool. Some of them are supposed to be silly faces and others are just trying to not fall. Either way, it will be something they can look back on and smile about. So cute!

We feel all grown up now...

2010-04-15T12:56:00.000-05:00

It has been 4 1/2 years since we moved into our house. We love it here! We just got 2 new neighbors that we love hanging out with. I am most excited about being able to finally get our fence! We have never wanted to spend the money on a fence when we knew at sometime we would have neighbors. Now the boys are just too busy to risk not having a fence. We have construction across the street and 1 empty lot to the West of us. So, we put the debt snowball on hold for a month and paid cash for our new fence! We feel so grown up now. So without further adieu...............The Miller Fence!

did I mention that we are going to kill our weed filled lawn and start over!

My flower garden is getting some Roundup as well : )

Jake is too funny to get mad at.....sometimes

2010-04-08T09:27:00.001-05:00

Last night after we thought Jake was asleep (hadn't heard him for a while), we saw him sneaking down the hall. From where Colby and I sit on the couch to watch TV, we can see a portion of the upstairs hallway through the spindles.
As we saw Jake sneaking around we said to him "hey, where are you going?"
Jake- "my pants are wet....I need new ones.."
Me- "Why are your pants wet?"
Jake- "Cause my water got on them....when I spilled it on me"
Me- "Ok, change and get back to bed...."

Not even 15 min later, I saw Jake's head pop up in the spindles....this alone makes me laugh.
Jake shouts out before I even get a chance to ask "I ate a booger!"
Colby and I giggle....
Me- "Ok, what are you doing out of bed?"
Jake- "I ate a booger, now I have germs on my hands, I need to wash em."
Me- "Well, that is why you shouldn't have eaten a booger!....go wash your hands and get back to bed!"
Colby and I giggle again...seriously? I can't help it, when you get caught off guard, it is hard to maintain the parental sternness.

Another 15 min go by and Jake is out of bed again! This time, I just walk over and shut off the upstairs hall light.
Jake-( in a girl like scream)-"hey, don't do dat....I can't see now!" He turns the light back on with the upstairs switch.
Me- "Jake! turn it off!" I turn it off again.
Jake- "leave it on" he turns it on.
I turn it off. (and giggle)
he turns it on (and giggles back)
I turn it off
he turns it on......
you get the picture...I can't help it but the entire time, I am cracking up, Colby is on the couch in near tears. I don't even know why it is so funny other than, I am fighting over a light switch with a 4 year old, and that I am sure our neighbors are thinking something haunted has taken over our house with the flashing lights and all. Overall, it is just the way it went down....he just has this funny silly way about him.

I love that about him!

No dear, those weren't weeds you pulled.....

2010-04-03T21:51:00.002-05:00

I love flowers! I get excited to plant them, to watch them grow, to see how beautiful they are. I love them. Last fall, I planted Pink Tulip and Purple Hyacinth bulbs alternating around all three trees in our front yard. I have been watching them slowly come up this year, knowing that the first year it takes a little longer to bloom, I have been excited to see their progress.

Today, while at work, I got a call from Colby asking "you didn't plant anything around our trees? did you?"

Me- "YES! I planted Tulips, why?".

I then hear Colby tell my neighbor in a laughing tone...."yeah, she said she planted tulips, they were tulips". Then he says to me "I might have pulled up a few, thinking they were weeds..."

Me-" WHAT!? are you kidding me?".

Colby- "No, I will put them back in the ground though, I asked Rachel(neighbor)what she thought it was, and she said she thought it was a tulip".

I had to go to work, so we continuted our discussion when I came home to see this.....

He pulled the buds of the flower right off...

does this really look like a weed?

The "weed" carnage.

As soon as I came home, I could see the damage...It looked as if he took a weed whacker to them

Me- "How could you have thought they were weeds, you knew I planted them last fall".
Colby- "I don't remember you planing anything."
Me- "Yes, you do, you were working on the Jeep, and I had to ask you to watch Devon a little while so I could finish planting them."
Colby-(giggling)"Oh, now that you mention it , I do remember. I was thinking to myself 'why are these weeds in a circle around all the trees' ".
Me- "Yeah, because I planted them, weeds don't just grow evenly spaced around all trees."
Colby- "Well, I put them back in the ground, they might not bloom this year though, maybe next year" Me- "Yeah, I know!"

While I admit that this event is a little humorous, OK quite a bit humorous. Colby is still in the dog house for a couple of key reasons:

1. He watched me plant those last fall.

2. I pointed out their progress to him on Wednesday evening...to which he replied "yeah, uh-huh".

3. Even though he thought it odd, that "leafy weeds" were growing around all of our trees...he still pulled first and asked later

Devon's Busy Day

2010-04-01T20:04:00.000-05:00

He Played in the dog bowl

He drank from the dog bowl

He ate some chalk

Then after working up an appetite he took a bite out of the bread....while we were still at Walmart.

LOL!!!

Ferris' insight

2010-03-24T10:17:00.001-05:00

A quote from Ferris Buller's Day Off.... "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once and a while, you might miss it."

I feel like I have been moving way to fast lately, one thing after another is going on in my life. Most good, but some I could have lived without. Ironically though, as a result of the latter, I have realized that it is ok to have a bad day, just blame it on what is really going on and not your kids' behavior. I hadn't realized it but the patience that I normally had was shortened by my not addressing what was really going on. I was too busy trying to get over it that I swept a rug over it instead of cleaning it up so to speak. I am glad that a friend pointed this out to me. I truly hadn't noticed. I have too many blessings in my life to ruin it with too little patience.

We now have 2 sets of new neighbors, both have kids and are fun to hang out with! Yeah, after 4 1/2 years, we can have some fun in this neighborhood! We have been having neighborhood playtime in the evenings, I love it! We have prayed for fun, social neighbors since we moved in, I think we just needed time to get the right group.

We are going to break down and buy a fence this year. With 2 busy boys, I can't keep track of both at the same time and with all the construction going on, I can't let them in the front yard unless we are there watching them. I cant wait! no more worrying that if I am playing with Devon, Jake might slip into the front yard and vice versa.

Victoria made the Gardner Edgerton High School Dance Team. I am very excited for her, she worked very hard to make it. This dance team went to the Orange Bowl last year to do halftime performance, and is very competitive. Sounds like a ton of fun to me. It will be a lot of practice for her (shuttling for me) and a lot of money too. They are doing fundraisers though, so I am making her get out and sell, sell, sell to help pay for the cost. I think being involved in such a time consuming activity, will be good for her personally and academically.

I am going to get back on the blog wagon....at least post once a week instead of once a month : )

I think I'm in a funk....

2010-02-26T09:44:00.000-06:00

This winter, my boys have been sick a lot. When they are well, we go to MOPS every other Monday, and Jake goes to school 2 times a week. I have been going to the YMCA 2-3 times a week. I would like it to be 3-4, but life seems to get in the way. This last 2 weeks, I feel like I have been a complete and utter homebody. We did go to MOPS Monday, but other than that, I've been here. I even stayed home from work last weekend. I woke up Saturday so dizzy that I walked into both a wall and the door. I couldn't drive to work, so I called in. It ended up being a Migraine, I haven't had one of those in years. I stayed in bed most of the day. By Sunday night I was feeling much better and ready to get back out into the world. My boys had other ideas. Monday afternoon, Jake told me "my tummy is sick". He has had it coming out both ends for a few days. He still isn't up to par. Devon has had several nasty diapers as well too. I can't take these boys anywhere! I would love to go somewhere other than here. Last night I bribed Victoria into watching the boys, so I could go to the Y for 45 min. It was nice, but didn't quite cure my fix.
Then there is the weather....I love the snow, it is pretty. If it has to be cold outside, we might as well have snow to make it look nicer. However.....I view my birthday (Feb, 28th) as the end of winter. I have always thought "after my birthday is spring!" I look forward to the park, flowers, in short all things spring. This year this will not be the case! I have hit my limit. My seclusion coupled with my imaginary deadline for winter has thrown me into a funk. I have got to get out of it, but am so far in that I need your help.
I would love ideas on what I can do for fun with the boys when they are well???? I hope next week!

A bittersweet surprise....

2010-02-24T11:14:00.000-06:00

I was looking through my wedding photos today. I was just trying to send Colby one of our wedding pictures that Devon loves to carry around. It is so sweet watching him point to mommy and daddy! Anyway, when I was looking through the pictures to find the one I needed to send. I came across a picture of my friend Shawndra and her (then) soon to be husband. Shawndra passed away last year after a 2 year battle with Colon Cancer. This is a great picture of Shawndra, it captured her spirit. This is the way I will always remember her.

Aww Mannnn....

2010-02-21T13:21:00.003-06:00

This is why most of the bathroom doors in my house are closed...if not locked....YUCK!!

He just wants to help too...

2010-02-21T13:17:00.000-06:00

Devon watches on as daddy and Jake put together a model car. Devon loves to do everything big brother does. When they were done, Jake made sure to let Devon drive the car as well. I love that about my boys, they get along so well!

Balloons to the rescue!

2010-02-19T17:17:00.000-06:00

I don't know about your kids, but mine love balloons! They just love to beat the heck out of them. Sometimes the best form of entertainment is the cheapest! (Those balloons were given to me at MOPS last week). Having praised the balloons, they are also a double edge sword! The boys bang them and bang them, then freak out when they float to the ceiling. Some of the biggest whining from both boys came from those balloons. So I decided to save them for the perfect time...like tonight, when the boys were both fighting with each other over some of Jake's new color changer cars.....I whipped out the balloons, and fight was over, bonding over balloons started. I love it when a plan comes together.....

Oh, P.S. Yes, Jake does wear that shirt all the time....it is a battle that I refuse to fight.

Olympic Memories

2010-02-16T11:53:00.002-06:00

I love the Olympics! I always have. I love watching the athletes live out their dreams...corny I know. I love hearing their stories, then watching them win. Some sports I like more than others, but truly I'll watch them all.
One of the things that I realized this week when watching the games, was that I have great memories that are associated with them. I guess, they may not all be the greatest story ever told, but memories that are triggered by just seeing those Olympic Rings.

In 1988 the Calgary games closed on my Birthday (they do this year too!!) and I remember watching them in my new Garfield nightgown that my friend Theresa gave me for my birthday....

In the 1994 Lillehammer games, my college roommate Cori and I got drunk in our dorm room, and watched in outrage as Nancy Kerrigan had her Gold medal stolen from her by a giant pink feathered ostrich also known as Oksauna Baiul. We even voiced our displeasure in a strongly worded letter to the IOC.....Fortunately we woke up sober the next morning and never sent it.

In the 2002 Salt Lake City games, I remember watching as the 1980 gold medal Hockey team was honored for their 'Miracle on Ice' win over the Soviets. It was the same month as my now husband moved in with Victoria and I. I remember him asking "if this means we have to watch the Olympics?" Ummmm, Yes! He likes, the Olympics, but only wants to watch certain sports. oh, also I colored my hair dark brown that day too.... : )

In the 2006 Torino games, I will always remember how Colby and I had been playing around, having fun being mean to each other...ie snapping each other with towels...etc. and I sat down to play my DVR'd figure skating when he giggled as he ran upstairs and said....."Sasha Cohn doesn't win......." Arggh, I was mad, yet giggling still. Of corse when I brought this up to him this week, he conveniently didn't remember doing it....he claims that he would never give away an ending. Well, he was wrong, he did and it is now one of my Olympic memories.

This year, sadly, I will remember the poor luger who died doing what he loved. The comercial that made me cry by showing several little kids participating in the Olympic games, then tag lined... "To their moms, they'll always be little kids".I am sure that there will also be some positive memories that come from these 2010 Vancouver games as well....only time will tell.

P.S. I have summer game memories too....but since we are having the winter games, I only listed some of the Winter memories

The cause of Devon's future therapy

2010-02-05T22:06:00.000-06:00

If you read my blog this morning, you know Devon was longing to play outside in the snow with Jake. When Colby got home, he wanted the boys and I to go outside and play while he shoveled the driveway. I don't have any snow clothes for Devon, other than a coat and boots, so I improvised.....

My mom gave me this snowsuit when I was pregnant with Devon, but before we knew what we were having. It may be pink, but it fit him. I giggled, a lot when I looked at him....

Mostly because I can't wait to use this to blackmail him some day......parenthood is so much fun : )

I love you Devon, thanks for making me laugh!!

Give and Take

2010-02-05T10:58:00.000-06:00

I love the snow! It is so beautiful, peaceful, and fun....If you are Jake that is.

He was getting on my last nerve this morning. Running around like a madman, hitting his brother, just all around a pain in the you know what. So, I took Colby suggestion and sent him outside. He had a blast for about an hour even. Great idea.......

Except then there is Devon. He was having an ok day, and I was sure that once Jake the instigator Miller was outside playing there would be peace inside too.

I was wrong!!!! Devon did almost nothing but whine and stare out the window the entire time he was outside.

I guess on a positive note, they both wore themselves out, so a good nap should be in store for both of them.....and that means me too!!!

He is so cute I have to forgive him...

2010-01-28T18:19:00.002-06:00

Tonight while I was making dinner, I felt something hit me in the tush. When I turned around, I saw the cutest little baseball bat wielding attacker. It was my little Devon, he was giggling at himself, and took another swing. I can't help but laugh, he is too cute to look sinister, and because it didn't hurt, it is kind of funny. I guess I'd better put a stop to this soon. Don't want the kids at the YMCA to fall victim to my little thug.

Yeah for sunshine!

2010-01-27T21:40:00.003-06:00

I am so glad that we have had a few days with sunshine! It gave us a chance to get outside and play! Even if it was for less than an hour. I think it is so much easier to make it through the cold with the sun shining. I also need to have an outlet to wear out my kids : ) Having said that, I don't want to wish away winter, because that means my kids will be that much older, that much quicker. They already grow at the speed of light. So, I will just take advantage of the sunshine whenever God gives it to us, and enjoy my kids while they are little, even if that means having stretches of days with crazy kids, cooped up inside.

Never thought I'd have to say that...

2010-01-19T18:05:00.000-06:00

For Christmas, we got the boys each a play phone from Wal-Mart...the ones in the checkout isle. Devon loves to pretend that he is talking on the phone, so we thought it was a good idea. Well, approx 10 min after opening his....he ate it. Yes, ate it. he ate off the buttons. Needless to say we took his away from him and trashed it...only out $3. I kind of forgot about Jake's phone (pictured) and Devon got ahold of it last week....now out $6. Yesterday we were at our daily Wal-Mart stop, when Jake started asking for a new one. Jake- "mom can I PLEASE have a new phone?"......Me- " No, Devon will eat it". Never thought I'd say that one. Then on the way home, Devon was babbling to Jake when Jake calls out "Mom....Devon is hungry for phones". Never thought that phone eating would be such a problem...what is wrong with my kids?

Haiti

2010-01-17T20:50:00.000-06:00

It is really hard to imagine the pain, death and destruction that is occurring down in Haiti. It breaks my heart to see this unfold. Families unsure if their loved ones are alive, children who can't find their parents. Volunteers who are trying to help, but are still unable to do as much as they need to. It is just horrible. My heart and prayers go to these people!
This week I made a donation on the Red Cross website, and because it was overloaded, I never received my confirmation email. Well, I did it again and then wound up giving twice. I was kind of feeling like a tool, because part of me knew that I didn't budget for one donation, let alone two. I would soon figure it out. Not long after this discovery yesterday, I was in the break room at work. The tv was set to CNN and they were showing stories from Haiti. A co-worker of mine started talking about how she "is so tired of hearing about all of this" that "we don't need to be giving all of this money to them" "they are a communist country and we don't need to be giving our money to them...." she thinks that every other country should help before we jump in. At first I thought she was joking...then I realized she was serious. I just looked at her and said "Umm...the last time I checked those were people who are dead and real families who are hurting....that is the important thing". I was appalled at her beliefs. I realized that everyone can think as they choose, I was just disgusted at her views. I think that she should be embarrassed at her sense of inhumanity. The kicker is that she likes to toot her "Christian Woman" horn fairly often. PUKE! At the end of the day we were leaving and there was a flyer about a fundraiser for Hati and in front of everyone else she said "oh, that is nice" I know she was really thinking "NICE" as in oh great, here we go again.
After this encounter, I decided that because there are actually people in the world who DO NOT CARE, then I would find a way to fit my double donation into my budget. I am going to pretend that I am forcing her to donate without her knowledge. That will make me smile the next time I see her. Thanks to her ranting, there will be a little more money to help out people who need it.

God Bless those people of Haiti and the Volunteers who are helping do all they can!!

Thanks for the memories...

2010-01-14T17:36:00.000-06:00

R.I.P. Cowboy Frosty!

December 30, 2009

January 14th, 2010

It was fun while it lasted, we'll see you again...hopefully soon!

I should have seen this coming

2010-01-07T11:29:00.002-06:00

Last night while Colby and I were watching a movie, we heard the sound we had been dreading since our bunk bed purchase. A giant thud, followed by a blood curdling scream. We couldn't get up the stairs fast enough. When we arrived in Jake's room, he was on his bed sobbing. He told us that he was "just trying to hang upside down just like a monkey" He said that his feet slipped, and he hit his head on the wooden frame that surrounds the mattress. At the base of the Right side of his head, he has a huge boggy bump (a hematoma). I am not sure what it is about me or most nurses for that matter, but when it is your kid that is hurt, you think different thoughts. I thought...."head injury.....CT.....admission/possible surgery" when the nurse in me should have been thinking "Head bonk.....ice.....monitor for abnormal behavior".
I did eventually come to my senses (sort of) and decide that Jake was not acting abnormal...I asked him if he feels like he does after he spins around the room, he told me "no, my eyes are not going crazy". He also told me that his tummy felt fine. Nonetheless, I set my alarm to make sure that I did neuro checks every 4 hours.
He has been fine this morning, complete with insisting that we make pancakes for breakfast....I am glad that this ended the way it did, but am sure that this will not be the last of the possible injury's he and Devon will have. Ahh the joys of having boys.

The catch up blog

2010-01-04T09:55:00.003-06:00

I have been a slacking on my blog lately. I do however have a few things to share, so I might as well just get caught up....here goes.

Devon has been climbing on the table lately, I know he shouldn't, but he looks so cute up there. Today he was dancing to the music on his laptop, and dancing along while I was uploading these pictures from our camera...
Jake has learned that the dog leash is a versatile tool, it can be used for both toys and to keep your baby brother just where you want him....today he was trying to coax Devon over to him, to hook him up. He told Devon "Hey Devon....come over here, it's me in the glasses"
Colby and Jake had a ton of fun playing in the snow in our yard last week. They made a cowboy snowman, and sledded down our uneven yard...

While Devon looked on..
Devon has been in the phase that he wants to use spoons, forks and eat off of plates...
unfortunately he hasn't gotten down the correct usage for them, but he looks cute in the process.

2009

2009-12-30T20:06:00.003-06:00

Maybe it is because I have another stupid sinus infection (thanks to Christmas craziness) or maybe it is because, as I get older the years fly by faster than ever. Either way, I am feeling a bit of nostalgia. 2009 was a great year! It started out with my last few weeks of maternity leave, it was hard going back to work, but we made it through. Colby had a hard few months with Devon on the weekends, but now Devon has daddy wrapped around his little finger. Victoria got to go on a spring break trip to Houston with Colby's parents and her cousin Seth. She enjoyed getting to see the ocean for the first time. Victoria also enjoyed many a day at the Gardner pool, and we all were sad to see it close for winter. I can't believe she started High School this year. Jake started pre-school this year, where he met his new best friend Nick. Jake also got glasses, but we are still working on him wearing them all day long. My little Devon turned ONE! I can't believe(and am kind of sad) that I will never have a baby again. I love watching him grow and learn so much. Jake and Devon are great brothers, even now, they stick up for one another. Colby and I continue to get our debt taken care of, it will be a joyous day when I can blog about how exciting it is to be debt free! Until then, we know that we have already won, just by taking the steps to get to this goal. It sounds crazy, but even though we still have debt, just the plan to wipe it out, makes us feel secure. I can't wait to see what 2010 brings, I am sure it will be full of surprises...I hope more good than bad. No matter what though, I know that I have everything I need, my husband, kids, parents, siblings, and great friends. I am blessed. Here are a few pics of my 2009. Happy New Year!

Devon when he was only cruising around

Jake loves the park

Look at Jake's muscles....whew!

Devon is a birthday boy

Victoria is off to High School

Merry Christmas

and Happy New Year

From the Millers!

Conversations with Jake

2009-12-16T12:20:00.002-06:00

Yesterday when Colby was getting ready for work Jake came in and told him:

"You needa put a shirt on, da people at your work don't wanna see dat"

KC Free Health Clinic

2009-12-11T17:01:00.004-06:00

This week was the KC Free Health Clinic at Barttle Hall. We saw around 2300 patients and had to turn away a couple of hundred. I had the privilege of volunteering for this event. I am so lucky. I was able to help many people receive health care that they as human beings DESERVE!!! (yep that is the correct adj to use!) They came in for so many different reasons. Most hadn't been to the Dr in so long(one man it had been 10 years), that they just needed to get the things their kids or their friends had been bugging them about checked out. I saw a college student, who couldn't be on her parents insurance any longer. I saw a man who had his eye on a coveted job, but had been passed over once before because he needed a physical, but couldn't get one without insurance (he can't get insurance without a job) we happened to be here just in time. I saw a man in his late 30's who had been putting off being seen for a very bad tooth infection, and was able to finally get relief by having it pulled. I could go on for 2 days about the people that I saw.

The bottom line is this...I saw PEOPLE. Every type of person, not just one. There are people out there who may not be grateful for help that is given to them, but not most of these people. I heard more times than I can count "Thank you so much," "You don't know how much this means to me" and "I am so glad you came here today to help me." These are not the sounds of ingratitude.

One interaction will always stand out to me though. As I was leaving on night 2, I was going down the escalator to head to the garage. In front and below me was a tired mom leaving with her young toddler. They had multiple layers on to help them keep warm, and it was obvious that they had been waiting a lot that day in order to finally get seen by a dr for her and her daughter. As I walked passed them when exiting the escalator, the mom turned to me and said in an exhausted/grateful mom tone "Thank you so much, please have a good evening". Wow! that said so much to me. I have a great job, so does my husband, and we both have great health insurance. I may gripe about having to take my kids to an appointment too near nap time or having to wait an hour prior to being seen. I am ashamed of myself. I have so many blessings. I am sad that we can't all be treated with the same respect that we demand of ourselves. Why can't we live in a country that values the human factor more than the greed factor?

Visit with Santa

2009-12-08T18:04:00.002-06:00

Today after we picked Jake up from school, we took the boys to see Santa. We went to OakPark Mall to see Santa. We have learned that going during the day on a Weekday is the best way to avoid a line. Jake of course had a list of things to ask Santa for and went directly up and sat on his lap. Devon was a different story, he clung to Colby until it was time to take the picture (that they charge an arm and a leg for!!). Devon took one look at Santa and freaked out. The picture captures the moment, as well as makes me laugh.

Of course what trip to see Santa is complete without a Trampoline/Bungee experience? Next to Santa was this combo experience. They strap the kids in Bungee style and have Bungee cords attached to them, while jumping on a trampoline. Jake LOVED it!! he got pretty high too, in case you can't tell, that is the second floor of OakPark just above his head.

Trip to the eye dr

2009-12-04T22:01:00.003-06:00

Because of my husbands eye history, my boys are monitored yearly for their vision starting at birth. This week we went in for our yearly visit. This year I made the mistake of going alone. Colby was at work so it was up to me to take on the two boys. I started out smart, brought the portable DVD for him to watch the ever mind numbing "Santa Buddies" we got from RedBox. I brought drinks for both boys as well. When we arrived the boys were fine...they played in the waiting room calmly until we went in to be screened. That is when it all broke loose. Devon was first up, I held him down while the tech looked in his eyes. All the while Devon is kicking and screaming, Jake is messing with the DVD in the DVD player and mad it isn't working. Then comes time for drops to dilate Devon's pupils. Devon kicks the screaming up a notch and Jake comes over freaking out..."don't put the drops in, don't put the drops in. I don't like it when you put drops in Devon's eyes." me.."don't worry buddy it wont hurt" Devon still screaming in the background. Once that is done it is time for Jake to have his eyes looked at. Oh, no, Jake is not having that, he just witnessed what was going to happen to him. Jake refused to sit in the chair and have his eyes looked at, he threw himself on the floor, and kicked and screamed. I literally had to manhandle him to get him to a point we could put the drops in his eyes. By this time I am breaking a sweat, have a headache and have tried every bribe that I know of....until I saw what came next. While I was pinning down Jake, Devon was busy destroying the DVD player... it was in 3 pieces when he was through with it. Jake and I saw this at the same time. Jake is screaming that Devon for breaking it, I am screaming at Jake for screaming for Devon and I'm screaming at Devon to stop freaking out because I took the remnants of the DVD player from him. At this point I look over to see the tech looking at me as if I had lost my mind...and I had. I apologize profusely to her...after all I am a nurse at this hospital, and she knows this. She then sends us back to the waiting room to wait for the Dr to see us....great. Much to my surprise the boys did great out there, and I even fixed the DVD (go me). By the time we get to see the Dr, Devon was not happy again, and Jake was back in protest mode. I am very impressed with the Dr for being able to get both boys examined as I am so traumatized that I can't even tell you what happened next. I just remember being told that Jake's eye crossing that we had been noticing throughout the year was because he was farsighted and was focusing too hard to see and causing his eyes to cross inward. We went in to try on several frames for the glasses he needs to get. The picture doesn't look like it, but he is very excited to get glasses. He gets "to wear glasses like daddy". When we decided on a frame (after texting pics to Colby and discussing them over the phone) Jake put the pair in this pocket and said "Ok, lets go" He was going to take them with him that day. The Dr told us it would be 10 days before the frames were in, and this bums Jake out. Now he just likes to tell us that his new glasses will be here in 10 days and that they are "flexy in the nose". Whew, that makes me tired to just recap the story, I'll post more pics when Jake gets his own glasses and is happier.

My little Gentleman

2009-11-12T12:08:00.002-06:00

Just last night at the dinner table, we heard Jake mention that he had a girlfriend. He told us "I like Brynn, she is my girlfriend" and that was it. This morning when I dropped him off at preschool, I saw a very cute little girl waiting at the door. "Hi, Jake..." she said kind of sing songy and very apparent that she liked him. "hey Brynn" Jake replies with an upwards nod of his head as if to say "...'sup", he then walked past her. I got a kick out of this, and decided to share it with Brynn's mom after preschool. Brynn's mom informed me that they hear all about Jake at their house, and that just last week she saw him put away her backpack and jacket for her. Apparently he told her "Brynn is my girlfriend". How sweet! I just love that even at 4 he already knows that the best way to show someone you care about them is to treat them well. My little guy is such a gentleman!

My new enemies

2009-11-10T09:46:00.003-06:00

Since the day Colby and I moved into our house, we have hoped that someday we would have neighbors. Our area of the subdivision is a little sparse on homes, until now. Last week we had neighbors move right next door! They are super nice, have a little girl who is almost 2. We should be so excited right? Well, it turns out that they also have 2 basset hounds a male and a female (don't know their names). If you have ever lived near a basset hound you might be able to guess why I despise them. They bark ALL the time. They bark at me, they bark at the grass, they bark at the rabbits in the field behind us....they even bark when the wind gusts. I have a dog who is half beagle/half cocker. He doesn't bark this much, hell, he doesn't even bark at them barking. Bo just looks at them, then lays down with his back to them ,in his cozy spot in the grass. It's as if he is saying to them "you youngsters are to obnoxious, I'm going to sleep".

I myself have resorted to the water hose. I give them two yells of "SHUT UP" then I break out the hose and douse them with water. This shuts them up and makes me feel victorious over such inferior animals. Oh, and yes, I do know how childish this sounds....don't care.

Poor sick Jake

2009-10-29T13:28:00.002-05:00

I hate it when my kids are sick. Jake has had a fever since Tuesday. Today, he wanted to try to eat lunch, so he had me carry him to the table, cover him with a blanket, and put a hat on his head so it won't be cold. He looked so pathetic and yet so cute at the same time. I had to take this picture.

I have noticed that when my kids are sick, I do things I would never do at work. I give ibuprofen an hour early because even though I have been alternating Tylenol and Ibuprofen and he is still hot. I of course rationalize that "he hasn't met his 24hr max dose, so it will be ok" I would never do this at work...15 min early no prob, but not an hour. It just goes to show that all your nurse skills fly out the window when it is your kid that needs care. (ok, I also feel the need to play by the rules the hospital sets, in order to keep my job, but still). I also let him cover up as much as he wants because he "is cold", instead of making him use a light sheet to help break his fever. This is my house, so I am going to just be the mom...the nurse works at Children's Mercy.

Devon is ONE!

2009-10-27T10:02:00.003-05:00

October 20th Devon had his first birthday! I can't believe it. We had a cute little party for him the Sunday before his birthday. My husbands parents came up from Oklahoma and my parents as well as my grandmother were here. I was very fun. Devon had a great time entertaining everyone.

We did Mickey Mouse theme for him, and it was so cute! (would have been cuter if the guy at Party America didn't think I was stupid enough to believe they discontinued the Mickey Mouse balloons...seriously? Mickey Mouse will never be discontinued)
Devon loved his cake, and we had to dunk him in the tub after his ravaging of the cake.

It doesn't seem like that long ago that I was writing about how I thought I would be pregnant forever. Ha, well, here we are a year later and now I can't imagine my life with Devon not in it. I love that little guy, he is just what our family needed. A funny, sweet, determined, and hot tempered little blond hair blue eyed boy. Even though I don't always have the most stress free of days with him, he does always make my heart melt. I know that that stress is just him working on the roots that it takes to grow a wonderful, caring, strong man. I am so blessed to be his mom!
Thank you Devon, for being such a great little boy, and for bringing laughter and joy to those who love you! Happy Birthday, I love to watch you grow.

Pumpkin Patch Fun

2009-10-27T09:50:00.002-05:00

A little late I know, but hey, I just got the Mac back. Ok, October 13th, I got to go with Jake's pre-school class to the KC Pumpkin Patch right here in Gardner. It was very cold (in the 40's ) and even though Devon and I froze, Jake had a blast. Jake has a Best Friend named Nick (next to Jake in the pic) they are inseparable. It is so cute to see that he has such a good friend already. We took a wagon ride out to the Pumpkins and the teachers did a little lesson about the pumpkins then told the kids to "go pick out your pumpkins and when we are done, we can go play". Jake is on top of his game. He hears "pick pumpkin, go play". So, he yells out "found mine" and picks one from right where he is standing, hands it to his teacher and says. "ok, lets go play" then runs off (Nick follows as well). I love this about him. He did what was told in order to accomplish his own agenda. I think he will go far in life with that mantra.

Mac is on hospice..be back soon

2009-10-20T17:06:00.001-05:00

I would love to update this blog with two stories...that I have pictures for. However our Mac needs a new hard drive or logic board. The Apple store is going to take good care of it for me. Until then, I have to let you know that there will be a couple of overdue posts in a week or so. Jake went to the pumpkin patch with his pre-school and Devon turned one today. Both things I would like to blog with pictures!!! ARGHHH

Oh well, we used the crap out of that hard drive. RIP

Toy Story double feature

2009-10-09T20:04:00.005-05:00

Last night we took Jake to see Toy Story 1 and 2 in 3D. Most of you know that Jake is Pixar's biggest fan. When we heard that they were re-releasing the first 2 movies at the theatre, we knew we had to take Jake. Jake of course made sure to bring his "new Woody" doll which of course is over a year old to the movies with us. I was so surprised at how well he did watching not one but two movies in a row. Aside from the initial holding Woody up to the screen and practically yelling "hey...dat is you", and reciting several scenes verbatim, he didn't do too bad. I was surprised that he only wore the glasses about 30% of the time. They didn't fit him, I don't understand why they don't make child 3D glasses for the animated films (of which there appear to be a slew of on the way). Colby even went to check with the staff, they brought us these foam tubes to make the ear pieces fit, but the nose piece covered half of each eye. I don't think he could see much of the 3D effects. This little problem would have ruined the movie for me, but not for Jake. He LOVED it!

He loved it all, the movie, the popcorn, and the fact that we let him have some coke (a huge no-no with him). My sister Cherie and one of her friends went with us, and Jake had a great time with her. Jake loves aunt Cherie, he gets to honk her horn and ride on her back wheels while going for a quick ride.

I loved it too. I got to watch my oldest son watch his favorite movie on the big screen, with him sitting on my lap and his crazy hair in my face. It just doesn't get better than that. I also had a good little cry while I was there. They play the full trailer for Toy Story 3 before the show. In TS3, Andy has graduated High School and is leaving for college and his mom looks at his old toys and asks him what he wants her to do with them. This is where I lost it...I know that the day will come where my Jake is going off to college, and what toys will remind me most of his childhood? Woody and Buzz (and Lightning of course). I just don't want to think about him being all grown up, so I am glad that I get to have several more years to love on him before that day comes. Thanks Jake for being the great little guy that you are! I love you so much.

How to load the dishwasher...with a toddler

2009-10-05T09:16:00.004-05:00

Doing the dishes has now reached a challenge...Devon. For some reason, anytime the dishwasher door opens, Devon makes a bee line for it. He likes to take dishes out of the silverware holder and chew them, he likes to lick the water that is sitting on the dishwasher door, and he likes that he can try to climb up on the door. As you can imagine, this tends to slow down the process of loading and unloading. Here is an example of my challenge this morning.

Me: putting the dirty dishes into the dishwasher

Devon: tries to eat a dirty spoon, knife and tongs all with one grab.

Me: pick Devon up and take him to the dining room (where all his toys are of course)

Devon: looks at me like I am crazy and quickly crawls back to kitchen

Me: sees Devon crawling and runs to dishwasher to continue loading dirty dishes.

Devon: arrives quicker than I thought and gets a cup out.

Me: "Crap" picks Devon back up and runs him into the dining room then runs back.

Devon: "screams" drops to his knees and halls tushy into the kitchen, grabs measuring spoons and laughs.

Me: laughing all the way back to dining room, drops Devon at toys and runs back to kitchen...just 2 more things to place !!!!

Devon: deep belly laughs while again lightning pace crawl back to kitchen. He arrives just as I am loading the last dish and about to put the door up.

Me: "Ah ha! I win!"

Devon: drops to the floor and cries like I just took his best friend.

This makes me sad for a second, then I continue to relish my victory...that was kind of fun.

Homecoming 2009

2009-10-02T13:33:00.002-05:00

I know that I am a little slow getting this up, but things are crazy these days. Anyway...last Saturday the 26th Victoria went to her first homecoming dance! It was a lot of fun...for me at least. Victoria had a great time too. Two of her friends came to our house to get ready first and their dates met them here.

Victoria and Chase looked great! I am very proud of both of them. Even though they broke up 2 days before the dance, they were back together and going strong, by the big dance.
Morgan M and Morgan C and their moms came over to our house to get ready, which was a lot of fun. I like that our house was the place to be. It makes me feel good, like we are the the High School version of the Kool-aid house. I am so glad that my friend Ashley worked for me that day, it was very much worth it. I did all the girls' hair...even Victoria's (much to my surprise). It appears that my 80's/90's hair do skills were much needed! I even heard a few, "Oh, my God, that's a lot of hair spray"...to which I had to respond..."You can never have enough hairspray, and be glad that we don't use Aquanet anymore".

Of course the girls ran late (the boys sat and watched football with Colby they were all bored...Colby too)
I can't wait to do it again! I loved getting to spend that time with you Victoria! Thanks for letting me be a cool mom...you know I am, your friends all say so : )

He'll eat anything

2009-09-24T22:24:00.002-05:00

We drove into the garage after picking Jake up from preschool. As I was getting out, I heard Jake say "don't drink your socks silly..."

When I opened up the van door, sure enough Devon was sucking on his sock...sucking his own spit. Yuck!

Carrie Bradshaw channeled

2009-09-11T10:40:00.003-05:00

Last night Victoria and I went and picked up her homecoming dress. I love that she has such unique taste. She will admit that her friends would never wear this. I love that. Here is her dress, already on the dress form in her room. What? You don't have a dress form in your room? Well that is probably because you don't aspire to be a chic fashion designer. Victoria has set her sights on going to a fashion school (after college of course). She is taking a lot of art classes, and is already being encouraged by her teachers to start a portfolio. I am learning to realize that she and I have different talents. I may be more inclined to value the traditional school education, she is more interested in the art/creative aspect of education. Anyway, I know that she has picked a very appropriate goal, and I am going to encourage her to go after it.

Oh, in case you were wondering. She will be wearing a shiny pair of Oxford Booties to go with this outfit. Sex in the City look out, here comes Victoria Starks!

Prereq: B.O.B

2009-09-03T21:55:00.002-05:00

Have you ever thought about how someone else would describe you in few words?

Let me explain....Back in high school, I was part of a special gang of girls (yes, gang) called the B.O.B.s. This, OF COURSE, stands for Sassy White Girls (if your a true B.O.B at heart you get it). We B.O.Bs prided ourselves our how sassy and individual we were. We didn't take any crap, you asked for our opinion, you got it (sometimes you didn't even have to ask), we weren't going to let our lives be defined by someone else...girl power to the max. I had rarely thought about that until recently. The last several years, I have been in a place that I felt guilty for my personality, I felt like I needed to be different to be used in any way by God. I felt judged by others, because I don't fit the "Christian Woman" title. (A lot of this, by the way, was fueled by the fact that I work every weekend, and do not go to church because of it.) None the less, I was asked to be a Discussion Group Leader at our MOPS group this year. Of course I said yes, discussion is a form of talking and that is a strength of mine. It wasn't until a couple of weeks after committing to this that I started wondering what I would have to offer. Then, I did a bible study this summer "Slightly Bad Girls of the Bible.", and in this study I came to understand that God uses us to help fulfill his will BECAUSE of the person we are, not in spite of the person we are. Now, back to my question, what do I think others describe me as? Well, if I had to step outside of myself and answer this question, I would say.... "Oh, she is kinda bitchy, but a lot of fun" Now, this is what I would have been mortified to admit just a few months ago. Today, I realize that I filled an open position.... Wanted: "kinda bitchy, but a lot of fun" to help fulfill my will signed: God.

We finally did it!

2009-09-02T21:31:00.002-05:00

We took the plunge, and bought a Dyson. OH, yes it rocks. When we first moved into our house up north, we were suckered into buying a Kirby. That over priced piece of crap lost it's luster a month or so in. It had a lot of different accessories, but didn't clean like it should. Fast forward to our current house here in Gardner. We decided that we didn't want to spend $6,000. to upgrade our carpet so we already have the crappy builders grade carpet. The last 4 years with the combo crappy carpet and stupid vacuum pushed us into a corner. Now that Devon insists on eating/choking on anything he can find to put into his mouth we had to make our move. I had heard nothing but great things about the Dyson, my good friend Ashley swears by hers. I did a little research, and found out that Dyson does NOT go on sale, so we used a coupon. Bed, Bath, and Beyond 20% coupon saved us $100 on this little beauty. (Seriously, did you think this cheap girl would pay full price?). Anyway, I LOVE it! One pass across our living room floor and the thing was full. It was evident that the Kirby wasn't pulling it's own weight. Our carpet actually looked good. I am going to have it cleaned next week, so that I can feel proud of our carpet again. I realize that I am getting excited about a vacuum, but sadly it is what happens when you become a wife/mom. I highly recommend the Dyson...do yourself a favor and get one.

Attack of the fire hose

2009-08-26T22:34:00.003-05:00

Look at this face..... does this look like a face that would be anything but a challenge? He is the most funny, crazy, unpredictable little guy I know. I never know what to expect with him. This causes both rage and extreme joy.

Tonight we were getting Jake ready for bed. PJ's on- check, teeth brushed- check. Now it is time to go potty. Jake has recently started standing up to pee, and doing very well at it. Tonight however....he aimed A LOT too high. I mean we are talking the back of the lid to the top of the toilet. When Colby and I both saw this, we shouted at him to "aim, at the water". What did this little angel face decide to do I ask you? You guessed it...just let go. Have you ever seen a fire hose get turned on and the pressure swings it around the room at random locations? Yep this is how it went down. The toilet, Jake, my hands, the floor all soaked in pee. I do think that he got a few drops in the toilet though. What does he say in response? "He-He. I peed on the toilet."

At least he is never dull.

Devon's Star Twin

2009-08-24T12:50:00.002-05:00

The Actor portraying Phillip Seymour Hoffman.........

Devon James Miller

Preschool Jake

2009-08-18T19:47:00.002-05:00

Today was the big day...1st day of Preschool. Yesterday, Jake told me that he didn't want to go to school. He told me this several times.

I asked him -"why don't you want to go to school, you were so excited before?"

Jake replied- "you said that if I went to school, you would cry...I don't want you to cry. dats why I don't wanna go to school."

Me- "awe buddy, I won't cry because I'm sad, just because I'm happy."

Jake- "No, I don't want you to cry."

Me-"Ok, I won't"

and I did ok...my eyes did well up, but I fought them back. I didn't want him to be upset that I cried.

Here is Jake doing an unprompted pose...I think he is mimicking "Sid the Science Kid" I'm not sure, but he looked cute doing it.

Of course he had to bring Woody. Jake made sure that Woody stayed in his backpack until after school.
Yep, Jake and Pixar have an agreement. Jake loves every movie they make and he will love their toys best.

When I went to pick him up, I asked the teacher how he did. She said that he was great, but at the very end, he didn't want to sit on the carpet like the other kids. She said that he told her "I'm just frustrated that I don't want to sit on the carpet"

This is why I am waiting until just past his 6th birthday to start Kindergarten. Just imagine how it would be if he were 5 for 3 weeks and starting school...yikes!

Someday she'll laugh...until then I will

2009-08-13T07:09:00.009-05:00

It seems like just yesterday that Victoria stood in front of my parents house before she headed off to Kindergarten at Sacred Heart.

It is hard to remember her as such a little girl. She was so sweet and innocent. I remember that I didn't even cry this day. I had expected that I would, but the excitement that Victoria had made me excited for her. I remember I sat in the car before leaving and just smiled thinking of all she had to look forward to.
Today, she left for High School.....and even though she is so excited, I find myself with my eyes welling up. She will be going to college in 4 short years! She is at the beginning of such a great adventure, and I am at the beginning of having to start letting her go(at snail's pace of course).
It sounds so cliche, but it has gone by in a blurr. I am going to make a point to remember as much as I can.
Starting today!!! Here is a great memory for Victoria's first day of High School! Even though the USD 231 website listed 183rd terr and Spruce as her bus stop, it apparently is not. After 25 min of waiting at that stop (and seeing the bus turn down our very own street) Victoria walked back into our house (mad as hell) missing the bus. I called to find out that they switched it closer to our house (2 doors down) but failed to inform us. So, laughing at her the whole way, I had to drive her to her 1st day at Gardner-Edgerton High School. To top it off, we only made it 5 min before school started. I eventually got her to laugh too, I told her the only thing she had control over changing here was her response to it. If she laughs then it is a funny event not a bad event. Someday, she too will find it as humorous as I do. It isn't every day that your 'too cool for school' 14 year old misses the bus on her first day. Love you Victoria, I can't wait to see what other memories you make during your time at GEHS.

I'm blessed to be a woman

2009-08-10T22:01:00.003-05:00

I just finished reading one of the best books I have read in a while. Funny thing is, I would have never chosen to read this book on my own. I just finished a bible study for the summer "Slightly Bad Girls of the Bible". The study is about a few of the Patriarch Women in Genesis. Sarah, Haggar, Rebecca, Leah, and Rachel. During the study, the girls mentioned that they loved another book that was about Leah and Rachel. The Red Tent by Anita Diamant is a novel based on the story of Dinah, daughter of Jacob and Leah. It is more than just the story of Dinah though. This book tells of life in early biblical time. It tells of the bonds of sisterhood, motherhood, and the blessings of being a woman. The red tent itself is the tent that all women go to during their menstrual cycle. This is also the place women go to give birth and to recover after. In truth, this is a sorority of women who are able to share their lives with one another. These women cherish each other, praise each other and take care of one another in times of crisis. If a women has a hard childbirth and is ill or doesn't make it, these women become each others wet nurses and they are all mothers to each others children. The story of Dinah and her mothers is very powerful in many ways. It is empowering as a woman, mother, sister, and daughter. I felt as though I had a new realization that women can be successful just being a woman. In this day and age we feel like we need to prove our worth as women, but this book reminded me that being a woman is proof enough of our success. I had a very real intrigue in reading this book, and truth be told it is a great reminder that the people in the bible are in fact human, and had human experiences. The bible has so many stories, but are so brief that we almost miss the purpose. My friend Cori and I were talking that it may sound like blasphemy, but if the bible were this detailed, it would be much more fun to read, and the message would be so much easier to understand. I can't wait to find more books that are similar to this one, I urge you to read it.

My little Wheezer

2009-08-02T22:06:00.002-05:00

Saturday night I came home from work and Colby told me that Devon (who had been fighting a cold for a few days) was wheezing. I listened to him with my stethoscope and sure enough, what used to be upper airway congestion was now in his lungs. Even though I take care of kids who are sick and have breathing difficulty (as I had done all day), I called one of my best friends to confirm that I should in fact take him to CMH urgent care. You see us nurses have this inability to accurately and unbiasedly assess our own children. We have this fear that maybe we are over reacting and if we bring a non sick child to the ER/Urgent Care that we are jeopardizing our RN credibility. Of course this is silly, but true. Anyway Ashley who has a little girl with frequent breathing issues urged us to go. We got to CMH South at 9:20 and waited until our hair turned Grey. When the Dr finally came to see us at almost Midnight, she listened to Devon's chest and then said "Oh...he IS wheezing". Ugh...Yes, that is why we brought him here and it didn't just start, so I wonder what she had been told. We were rapidly given an Albuterol treatment (which Devon HATED) and had a chest x-ray. We were told that his x-ray "wasn't THAT bad" and given another treatment, shown how to use the inhaler/spacer and sent home. Only problem...he is still wheezing. If he were my patient at work, I would call the RT and have them give him another treatment. If only I had the same bag of tricks at home as I do at work. Devon is happy as seen in the photo, but he feels like crap. I am going to take him to our PCP tomorrow and figure out what to do next...unless he get worse overnight then it's back to ER .

He is learning young

2009-07-27T20:26:00.002-05:00

Tonight I washed Jake's blanket without his knowledge. I made sure that it was done before bedtime or he would flip out. Colby ended up getting it for him at bedtime, while I was laying Devon down. When I was done, Jake was standing in the hall and said to me

Jake- "Hey, my blankey is clean and soft. Did you wash it for me?"

Me- "yes, I did, do you like it?"

Jake- (shaking his head while smiling with his teeth clenched) "I don't want you to do dat again"

Wow, all that was missing was a "Bless your heart" at the beginning and he would make a great Southerner.

Wanted: Help with Teenage Daughter

2009-07-24T12:35:00.003-05:00

How in the heck did we all make it past our teens? Seriously, I have more stress that is a direct result of Victoria than both boys combined. We are getting out of debt, but she thinks she should be exempt from this, or at least that we should funnel more money to her than we do. She gets to go almost daily to the pool for an average of 5 hours each day, she spends the night or has someone spend the night at least once a week. She went to the movies this week, she goes to the lake with friends. Yet, we don't let her do ANYTHING (according to her). Currently she is convinced that she will not be able to get a license until 17 1/2 because of new laws. My friend Cori had her husband debunk this theory, but her friends say it is true, so it must be. I won't let her ride with her friends driving, because they are so young and well, that is good enough. I told her that when she has a license she can ride with them too. I want her to have an understanding of what it takes to drive, so she wont be the obnoxious passenger that encourages bad behavior. I have been told that one of her friends just got a new Mustang, and several others have cars their parents paid for. Victoria has been told that we will match her dollar for dollar up to a total of $5000 total for the car she will drive (Not a bad deal if you ask me). I am so tired of hearing about how awful she has it. Any suggestions on how to fix or at least minimize this?

signed,

Going Grey Quickly in Gardner!

Yes, we do need Health Care!

2009-07-22T10:43:00.004-05:00

Last night Colby and I watched Michael Moore's Sicko. I had really never cared to watch it before, as I am not a huge fan of Michael Moore. I am a huge fan of good Health Care though. I urge you all to watch this film. It is a naked look at how broken our system is, and how far behind we are in comparison to Canada, England, France and even Cuba. In these other countries people don't have to pay out of pocket for their health insurance...nothing. Have a baby...Free, have Cancer treated...Free, have an extended ICU visit...Free. Drugs are all one price too. Why are we so far behind? Greed. Some ass hole (Kaiser) figured out that if they deny more things than they permit, they turn a profit. Dr's in HMO's are actually earning money for turning us away from needed procedures. This sickens me! In England, if a Dr is able to get someone to stop smoking, or lose weight, or lower their cholesterol he gets a bonus. Well done England! That is the way to get people to be healthy. Dr's in this country would make a fortune in weight reduction alone!

People who are against this bill in the US, say that it would mean that we have to pay for other people's medical bills. Wow, this from the proudest Christian nation in the world! For people who are so quick to quote the bible as a reason for everything, they seem to forget Matthew 7:12 "So in everything do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums the Law and the Prophets" You see it says EVERYTHING, not just what suits you. Even Jesus talks about helping the sick. I don't think he would like our health care system either. I would love for people to be able to go to their Dr to be treated and not have to worry that if they go, then they won't be able to put food on the table, because the co-pay is too much, or that when the bill comes, they can't pay for it. The most important thing we have is each other, if we can't be healthy, then we don't even have that. I urge you to put away the ridiculous thinking of Social Medicine and realize that what we have now is so much more debilitating than that. If Social Medicine is having health care that is free to everyone, and we can all be covered no matter what our pre-existing conditions, then bring on Social Medicine!

Oh, it's just an old Van injury

2009-07-17T22:20:00.002-05:00

I previously posted about P90X. Colby and I have been doing it for a few weeks. That is until this week. Well, we did do 1 night. I don't plan on stopping, I just need to heal first. Ya see last week I did my yoga DVD one night and think I may have stretched farther than I should have. The next day I sustained an injury to my Left hip while getting out of the van. Yep, you read right. While getting out of the van, I pulled a muscle and pinched nerve. Ok, I was holding Devon in one arm and trying to get out from the back row while reaching for my purse and trying to slide the door open at the same time. Still this shouldn't be the cause of an injury. I remember when I was in high school joking that if I had to break a hip, I wanted it to be because I was kicking my panties off. (this was actually an injury that a friends grandmother received). I know I didn't break it, but I am officially not as young as my brain thinks I am. (my brain thinks I am still in my early 20's by the way)

Park Fun

2009-07-17T21:57:00.002-05:00

We took a little trip to the park today. It was too nice not too. We all had a great time.

As you can tell, Devon was not too sure of the slide. He loved the swing though.

Jake is a rock star

2009-07-10T20:37:00.002-05:00

Jake loves to sing and play his guitar. He loves all different types of songs, and makes a lot up himself. Recently Colby and I started to listen to more of Michael Jackson again. He may have been a sad man that as a mom I would never let my kids around, but he made some great music. Anyway, MJ's videos were on a lot lately and Jake was very intrigued. 1- he LOVES ''Beat it". 2-he is very interested in "why are there 2 Michael Jackson's" (dark skin and light skin), 3- "why did he have a bad heart" "cant we just put a new one in him" and "what color do you think his heart is?"

As a result of his intrigue I overheard him telling some kids at Jazzercise this week. "hey, did you know Michael Jackson died? His heart stopped working, do you know 'beat it' ?" to which one of the kids responded in a confused face "My friend Jackson didn't die"........I feel old, but very entertained

Burning the midnight oil?

2009-07-09T22:04:00.002-05:00

I took Devon to the Dr on Wednesday because I was up all night the night before. Devon would wake up crying and acted like he was in pain, and pulling at his ears. Because he just got over an ear infection, I thought that he had another one. Well, as it turns out Devon's near crawling is most likely the culprit. His ears, nose, throat, etc look great. Yes, he is getting another tooth, but most likely that isn't keeping him up. Dr Wichman confirmed what most of us moms knew already. When these little guys are working toward a milestone, they wake up and practice...then can't figure out how to get back to sleep, or calm down enough to sleep. So apparently Devon was too busy trying to crawl in his bed, that he couldn't sleep. What to do? Let him cry until he goes to sleep. I'll tell ya how that turns out.

Determination

2009-06-30T12:41:00.003-05:00

This summer Victoria has been at the pool most days. I don't even mean that as an exaggerated statement. Most days she is at the pool. It is more a social scene than anything. But I figure that it is not too bad of a place to spend her time.

Normally, Colby or I take her to the pool in the afternoon, then pick her up a few hours later. Since we are short a vehicle, some days she has to walk to the pool. Yes, I said it, we torture her by making her walk to the pool. I mean walking a whole 1.8 miles each way is equivalent to child abuse right? Having said that, she still goes. She isn't about to go without her friends for very long (I made her stay home yesterday...gasp). She even makes sure to take a shower before she goes so she is clean (I tell her she will be sweaty by the time she gets there, but she doesn't understand). So, here she is hoofing it to the pool. : )

P90X

2009-06-25T12:27:00.002-05:00

This past week, I started a home workout program called P90X. It is extreme! The program includes a nutrition plan as well as the exercise video. My good friend Ashley did it a couple of years ago and it helped her look awesome. My cousin Cari started doing it about 2 months ago and is toning up (She was already a stick). I am in dire need to do something. I do Jazzercise, but it is at 9am and sometimes I don't want to go because it is too much work to get the kids together and out the door happy (Devon snoozes at this time). I know that this can be done at home on my own time, so why not? Colby is doing it with me too, which is a nice. The whole premise of why it works is muscle confusion or mixing it up so much your body never gets used to the exercises. There are 3 phases each one lasting 30 days (hence the 90 in P90X). I love it! I am very tired and sore, but it feels good. I admit that I am not following the diet to the T as it is very limiting and I still Nurse Devon. I do the best I can to stay close though. I am going to stick to this and keep cycling through until I reach my goal weight. I can't wait to have my old body again!

Visit to Public Saftey

2009-06-23T12:02:00.002-05:00

Lately Jake has been having bad dreams about Policemen taking either him or us away. I am not sure why, but he has. It has upset me because I don't want him to be afraid of the Police. So I decided to let Jake meet some of Gardner's finest. In Gardner, the Police and Fire are one and the same hence Public Safety. This morning Jake and I baked some cookies(frozen dough...not Nestle though we aren't trying to poison them) and brought them up to the station. At first Jake was afraid, until they asked him if he wanted to see the fire tucks. His response "oh, that's so cool". Because it was 100 degrees out, we made it a short trip, and home we went. Now, I hope to use the good experience with Policeman Jacob (that was really the name of the officer who showed us the truck). I hope it helps, at least it was fun.

Teething Woes

2009-06-22T19:36:00.003-05:00

Poor Devon, this has been a very rough few days for him. Since Thursday (our Anniversary) he has gotten 4 teeth...well 2 plus another 2 part way through. He ran a fever over the weekend, and has been super congested, as a result coughing and hacking up nastiness. He has the diaper rash from hell and I also think he has sprung a leak in his mouth (notice the soaked shirt?). Did I mention that he will just randomly take a bite out of my shoulder? The worst part though is I can just tell how bad he feels. He doesn't know what he wants, he is so congested nursing him is hard. He doesn't want to eat any solids, and I couldn't get him to sleep for me (though he slept the day away for Colby yesterday...go figure). Having said that he is sleeping for 12 hours at night, so when he wakes up, he is a starving madman. I feel bad for the poor little fella. I am glad that teething is something we do before we start having memories, I don't want to remember that.

New to us Van coming 7.10.09

2009-06-19T21:26:00.003-05:00

Colby and I recently learned that we couldn't keep our Dodge Stratus. After Devon upgraded car seats, the back seat had no room for Victoria to sit. We decided to sell it, and look for a Van. If you are keeping score, yes we sold our beloved Honda Odyssey last year. It was too much money for us and we had no business buying it. We sold it to help get out of debt. I also think that not getting another van then was Gods way to help me accept not having another Odyssey. I was very pissy about selling our Odyssey, and didn't want any other van then. I hated all vans but ours. I just spent almost a whole year in a 4 door sedan with 3 kids. Needless to say I am open to a few other vans now. Colby and I decided to start looking for vans on craigslist(I narrowed them down by vetoing the ones I think are ugly) and found that we were most likely going to have to settle for a 2002-2003 with 120k or higher miles for around $7000-7500 dollars. One of my friends told me of a van for sale here in Gardner and gave us the info to call. It is a 2005 Dodge Grand Caravan with only 49,500 miles on it for $8595! Since we are going to pay cash for this van (no new debt for us) we figured that we would save and have enough money around the first of July if we get what we need from our car. Well, we sold our car this week, and got what we need. However, we sold our car this week. We still won't have enough money until the first of July, so we will have only one car for three more weeks. We drove the van from Gardner and the woman selling it is taking our $8000 offer and is going to keep the car for us until July 10th so we can save up to pay for it in cash. I have never bought a car and NOT had buyers remorse...until now. We may have just put a car on lay a way, but we will be driving it home for the first time with it paid for!

Thanks Carrie!

2009-06-07T22:30:00.007-05:00

I got to leave work early today. This is very unusual, I haven't left early since October 18th when my Dr told me that I could only work 8 hours. Those of us who work Weekend Option, know how precious even a few weekend hours off can be, and we tend to cherish them. I have to give a big shout out to my friend Carrie Fiske for getting me out of work for the last few hours today.

Carrie and I used to Car-Pool quite often, but haven't in over a year. Yesterday we decided that we would Car-Pool today. We had a fun drive into work, and each went to our own floors to work. I hadn't talked to her the rest of the day until around 3:30. I was pumping in the NICU Lactation room (a normally quiet place) when I hear the door open and a frantic/laughing Carrie saying "Jol, guess who got off work early, but didn't remember she didn't drive until she got to the parking garage?" I chuckle out loud, this is classic Carrie. Well, she was in luck. I had only 2 patients at this time, and one of them was getting ready to be discharged. The other nurse in my Pod only had 1 patient. After explaining my conundrum to the charge nurse(and discharging my patient), we both were able to have a few extra hours at home. Thanks Carrie, I owe ya one.

What is wrong with people?

2009-06-03T21:44:00.003-05:00

I have a hard time understanding the huge battle that surrounds the abortion debate. I understand why it is a hot topic, I don't understand why people think it is ok to kill someone in his church because they disagree with his career choice. This weekend a controversial abortion Dr. was gunned down in opposition of abortion, I still can't understand these severe emotions.

Abortion, no matter what your position, brings out a very distinct opinion for each of us.

I am a Christian. I have a relationship with GOD and am very grateful for the grace that he has extended to me. Having said this, I am also reminded that he has given us free will. An ability to choose the path we take. This doesn't mean that we will always pick the right path, but we will always have open arms to come back to when we realize we didn't. I could never choose to have an abortion. I had an unplanned pregnancy, and that thought never even occurred to me, because that is who I am. I have a great support system, my parents would support me no matter what. I am one of the lucky ones. Many women/girls find themselves in unplanned pregnancies and have no one. Not even someone to remind them of all of their options. While adoption is a viable option to abortion, it isn't feasible for everyone. There are families out there that will physically abuse their children for their mistakes. When you are a girl who is already abused, and find yourself with an unplanned pregnancy, carrying a baby to term for adoption isn't always an option. There are a lot of reasons that women have abortions, many of them reasons that we can't even begin to understand unless we have already walked a mile in their shoes. I can't image the emotional pain they go through. Most women dream of having a family, it kills them to make a decision like this.

I also understand the importance of that little life that is at the center of all of this fuss. I can't imagine my life without any of my kids, I love being a mom. I love my kids enough that I will support them unconditionally, I will always be there for them. Just like my Heavenly Father will always be there to support the children of his that have made bad choices. He is the one who we have to face for the CHOICES we make as a result of the free will we have been given. If Jesus were here today, don't you think that instead of shooting someone at their place of worship, he would be forming a relationship with them so they could have a support system that promotes the best choices?

Too much knowledge

2009-06-01T21:37:00.003-05:00

Every year Jake can't wait to go to the pool. When it is snowing outside and we drive by the pool, Jake wants to go. Today was our first trip to the Gardner pool this year as a family (Victoria has gone about 7 times already). As soon as we got to the pool, Jake put on his floaties and took off. He loves the playground in the pool, the water slides, swimming around in the deeper area, he loves it all. Jake is a very good swimmer...with floaties on. He is starting to feel a comfort level that leads him to venture out on his own, or at least without us right next to him. This scares the crap out of me! The nurse in me keeps screaming "don't let him out of your sight, you don't know when it could be too much for him" or "what if he takes those floaties off, he can't swim well without them". I have a really hard time putting that part of me out of my mind. I work at a place that sees accidents from swimming a lot during the summer. I have to remember that those cases are the few and far between, most of the time, things are fine. I have to learn to parent stealthily from afar, and remember that I am not even in control...God is. Hmmmm...as I write this, I see an area that I am being worked on...submission. Who know blogging would be such a spiritual media?

PB&J is a food group

2009-05-29T21:52:00.002-05:00

Most pediatricians and nutritionists will tell you how important it is to get your toddlers a perfectly balanced diet. They emphasise the importance of limiting sugar unless it is in its pure form (ie fruit). In nursing school, we even had to make presentations to educate the parents of our patients about balanced diets.

Well, as a mom, here is how wonderful I follow that food pyramid.

breakfast we have fruit...Fruitloops

Lunch: a protein and a fruit...Peanut butter and Strawberry jelly

Snack: fruit...fruit snack or "red bar" (Jake for nutrigrain bar)

Dinner: whatever I can get him to put in his mouth...

So much for the thousands of dollars spent in nursing school. The school of motherhood has it's own education.

Fun at the Royals

2009-05-26T17:46:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, Colby and I took all the kids to the Royals game. It was Devon's first game. I am a bad mom though, because I didn't take ANY pictures. No, not because we didn't bring the camera. It was because we were just too busy balancing everything. Everyone did great, even though it was cold and windy. I just didn't want to upset the balance.... Ok, to be honest, I didn't remember until it was too late, and then it was time to go and everyone was upset. We did have a great time though, Devon flirted with the girls 2 rows behind us. He would even do his roaring thing to get their attention when they weren't paying attention to him. Jake was way into the game, every time he heard a crack of the bat, he yelled in excitement (KC got their butts beat, so Jake was mostly yelling for Detroit) , he also wanted to go down and play with them on the field. He just knew they would want him too. Victoria was happy just texting away, and glancing back at the row of cute college boys behind us. Colby and I were happy that it was "Buck Night". Everyone wins! I was pleasantly surprised, so we will be trying this outing again...and will take some pics : )

Nothing is more fun than playing in the mud

2009-05-22T21:00:00.002-05:00

This afternoon, I finished putting flowers in my flowerbed (late, I know, but I finally feel good). Jake played outside while I worked. I knew that he was telling me that his toys were dirty, and needed cleaned. I just didn't think to pay attention to what he meant. I also knew that he wanted to clean them in the dogs water bowl. I guess my attention to my flowers dulled my mom detective sense. When I was putting things away and getting ready for lunch, I noticed the giant puddle of mud(blocked by the bucket in the pic) and the side area where Jake was "getting his toys dirty". When they were dirty enough, he then would clean them in the dog's water bowl. Needless to say Jake was a bit dirty himself, and very difficult to coax inside. At least he found something to occupy his time : )

Victoria's 8th grade dance

2009-05-21T20:27:00.003-05:00

I just got back from dropping Victoria and her friend Kendall off at the 8th grade dance. Her group of girlfriends got all dressed up for the occasion. I say her group, because the attire was listed as "casual". Victoria and Co decided that because the theme was "Old Hollywood" that they should dress up. I can see the stretched logic in this. As a girl, we want any reason to get all dressed up. So, I didn't mind as long as they were comfortable doing it knowing that not everyone would be dressed up. When I drove off after letting them out, I noticed a group of boys from their group....not dressed up...not even close. One of the boys that Victoria is in and out of love with had on a Celtics Jersey top and athletic shorts. I couldn't help but laugh, boys don't give a crap what the "Theme" is. I can't wait to hear all the gossip, it will be fun for her I am sure.

*****Note- The dress she is wearing is borrowed and the shoes are current ones she wears, this budget making momma is saving up for Homecoming though****

I'm back....better late than never

2009-05-19T22:42:00.003-05:00

About a month ago, we got family pictures taken...see right. Here are some of the other pics we got. I am so glad that we finally went and did this. I must say that I did kind of trick Colby into going...I was ordering shirts for the kids to wear, and decided that we should have a family picture. I ordered Colby and I a shirt as well, only I didn't tell him then. I waited until a couple of days before the pictures and told him that since we were all going to be there, we might as well take the family picture. He grudgingly agreed, but then said "I don't have anything to wear". I told him "not to worry, I ordered you a shirt too". Then Colby knew what was going on. I had planned for him to be a part of the type of picture he hates... the ones that everyone matches. He wasn't very happy to say the least. So, I didn't say a word when he started the Tool playlist (I HATE Tool), I had it coming.

Blog to return soon...

2009-04-23T21:40:00.002-05:00

I have had a very busy 2 weeks. I need to get around to some new posts...however, I have been turned on to the newest form of "literary Crack". I feel compelled to read in my spare time (what spare time I have). I feel like the boy in the 1980's movie "The Neverending Story" I want to sit down, with a blanket and a PB&J and just read. Not to worry though, I am almost through with Eclipse....

Here I am to worship

2009-04-12T20:35:00.002-05:00

Happy Easter!... I worked today, as I will for several more Easters. On my way in today I saw the most amazing sunrise. I know what your thinking...sun, there was sun today? Yep, only for the sunrise though. It was an amazing bleed of colors from a deep crimson to a bright orange. The sun reflected on the clouds that were moving in and it light up the sky. It was as if God was reminding me that today was the celebration of his Resurrection. I sometimes, ok often, feel as though I am missing out on my weekly worship. I work EVERY weekend and have missed out on going to church for almost 3 years now. As I listened to my ipod, the song 'Here I am to Worship' by Sonicflood came on...."here I am to worship, here I am to bow down, here I am to say that your my God. Your altogether lovely, altogether worthy, altogether wonderful to me." I realized that I was having my very own worship session right there on the way to work. I know it sounds silly, but it made me feel better going to work, knowing that I wasn't missing out.

I am going to make a worship play list, so that I will have the opportunity to worship anytime!

What? am I in High School again?

2009-04-09T11:21:00.002-05:00

I have become friends with several people at Jazzercise over the past 2 years. Most of them have young kids as well. I have also become friends with the mom of a girl the same age as Victoria. They are both in the 8th grade, and have the same circle of friends. We all know what that means...fights. Girls are notorious for their hate/love relationships. Most of us went through it, and are glad that we made it out. This friend of mine, had been very supportive of me when I was having a hard time with Victoria last summer. I have made no secrets that I KNOW my child isn't perfect. Anyway, I am very thankful of her support, it meant a lot. Victoria has been back at her school since January, and has had a hard time with being welcomed back. Her best friend has always had her back, but the other girls depend on the day if they are friends with her or not. My friends daughter has been one of the hot/cold friends. She has (according to Victoria) been a large part of the problem. I have never let this affect our friendship...why should I? I know she has no control over her daughter. I know for a fact that she doesn't know as much about her daughter's behavior as I do mine (good and bad). It just never crossed my mind to allow my friendship to be linked to our daughters'. I found out today that this feeling is one sided. My friends daughter has recently become the target of the school drama. Of course this drama is all day to day, I never know when it is over. Today, I casually mentioned something funny that Victoria told me about herself and my friends daughter. I just meant it as small talk, but she told me "I don't want to talk about this with you" and walked off. I approached her and told her that I wasn't meaning any disrespect to her daughter. She replied "there is just too much going on right now for me to talk to you".

WHAT??? I am 34 years old, I don't need to be treated like a 7th grader. I am glad that she showed her true feelings. It was fine when Victoria was the target, and I was blowing it off, but apparently my daughter is the only one who isn't perfect. NEWSFLASH- NO ONE HAS PERFECT KIDS!!!! and if you think you do, then you have a bigger problem than you think.

Mommy memories

2009-04-06T20:00:00.002-05:00

It is no secret that I have been struggling with raising my kids lately. It is very mentally/physically stressful. I am very lucky to have friends and family to help me realize what I have suppressed....Being a mom is the only job that matters. I am lucky that I have girlfriends who go through the same things, and make me feel sane, and family that love me enough to share what they miss. My Grandma Hayden (mom's mom) had my mom post a poem as a comment on my last blog...it made me cry. Tonight, when I put Devon to bed, I stayed a little longer, just to smell him, and kiss his sweet cheeks. Even though Jake tries my patience, I love that he still loves sitting on my lap in his "rock you" while I read him a book every night. Victoria, is a little tougher to snuggle with these days, so I will settle for all the girl gossip, and am glad that she keeps me in the loop.

Here is the poem...hope it means as much to you, as it did to me.

Polishing Memories

I have no time to sweep the floor. The piano collects dust like never before. The wast basket is full, there are marks on the wall. The telephone is ringing, can't take any calls. I'm sitting here rocking my tiny new son, closing my eyes to the days work not done. I know from experience the future becomes past, these moments are treasures, I want them to last long after he is grown. I'll sit in this chair and feel the soft touch of his baby fine hair. I'll rock by this window till the first star appears polishing the memories of my childbearing years.

Mommy School?

2009-04-01T20:54:00.002-05:00

I love being a mom, I love all of my kids and am so proud that God gave them to me. I just have one question....how to get it all done? Seriously, is there a Mommy School out there that instructs us moms on how to get more done in a day than just getting our kids clothed, fed, changed, bathed, and put to bed? I do try to get to Jazzercise for an hour, or at least an outing of some sort a couple of times a week. This takes up my whole day. Victoria constantly tells me what a messy house we live in, and I agree. It looks good from about 9pm to 7am every day, but drop by anytime during daylight hours and my house looks like a Picasso painting. I can't keep up with the boys laundry. I can never find time to put away the clothes, if they are sleeping, I am not waking them to put stuff in their drawers, so in the basket they sit. I love, love, love being their mom, but feel like a failure at every other task involved in being a stay home mom. I know that someday, I will look back and wish I could spend more time with them. I just wish I could get more done in one day and still get all the love in.

Mission: to be the cheapest girl in Gardner!!

2009-03-29T16:17:00.002-05:00

Recently I have learned so much about couponing, and actually saving a lot of money buying what you would anyway. I have been reading ads, clipping coupons, and saving some money. Friday, between purchases at Walgreen's and Walmart I saved $46.00. Yep, you read correctly, $46. I am now inspired to continue on this mission, it is becoming an addiction...how much can I get for as little as possible. So expect to see a lot more posts about grand savings...and if your not using those coupons, send em my way : )

Happy Birthday Victoria

2009-03-27T21:58:00.002-05:00

Dear Victoria- Happy Birthday, today you are 14! Yikes! It seems like just yesterday on a day like today (cold, cloudy, and rainy) , you arrived. You were born at 2323 (11:23pm) on Oscar night (Forest Gump won best pic that year), but I got to take home the best trophy. You had dark wavy hair and blue eyes (much like Devon). I remember the first time I ever saw you, I couldn't believe you were mine.

We have gotten to see you grow over the years. One thing remains, you are still the same little girl at heart.
You still love to be loved and pampered. You still love your girly accessories.
And you still have an adventurous streak as well.
And of course, you are even more beautiful today! I am so proud to be your mom. I love you Victoria...Happy Birthday!

Goodbye Shawndra

2009-03-16T10:28:00.002-05:00

I am very sad to report that my friend Shawndra passed away yesterday at 3:10pm.

Shawndra- I will forever be glad that I had the chance to know you. I will always remember your vibrant giggle. I could recognize it anywhere. I will think of you anytime I see someone eating carrots in a bag (even if their fingers aren't stained orange :) ) Every Kashi box will make me smile in memory of you. You were the first person to suggest to me that Colby might actually ask me to marry him on our trip to Denver (he did). I hope you had as fun of a time at my wedding, as I did at yours. Your beautiful Ella was born just 4 months after Jacob. I remember seeing you at the elevators my first week back from maternity leave...you just laughed and said "I'm still pregnant". You are a beautiful person, with a beautiful heart. I will miss it.

until we meet again,

Joleene

Jazzercise Challenge

2009-03-13T10:44:00.003-05:00

Last week was the first week of Track for Victoria. On Monday night she came home and was whining all night about how bad her legs/knees/ankles hurt. I told her that I hurt from my workout too, but I wasn't whining. her response was "yeah, but you just did Jazzercise"

WHAT???? Ok, it was on then. I told her that she had to come to a class with me on spring break. She griped about it, but she did go today (her first day of spring break).

She only lasted 3 songs...3 songs so maybe 12 min.

I am Victorious (Pun intended)!!!!!!

Imitating Diego

2009-03-04T19:20:00.006-06:00

Jake is my little dare devil...it scares the crap out of me. Today, he got on top of the couch and used the pull cord for the blinds to "swing from a vine" like Diego. He got a rope burn on his chin, and neck. He is very lucky though, because he could have choked himself, or worse. What goes through his little mind???

Devon...playing outside. Gotta keep the gale force winds out of his ears.

My Birthday Surprise

2009-03-03T15:50:00.003-06:00

Most of you know that I work EVERY weekend. It works out great for our family, but sometimes it makes things a little bit of a bummer. This past Saturday was my birthday, and I had to work. Colby, Victoria, and Jake did a great job of making it special though. I was very surprised....

They threw a bunch of balloons at me when I walked in the door.
Showered me with hugs and kisses.
They also made me a cake, bought me roses, and decorated the house for me. I love them all!!

Please pray for my friend

2009-03-01T12:53:00.004-06:00

A little over 2 years ago, a girl that I was work friends with was diagnosed with Colon Cancer. I haven't seen her much, or at least as often as I should since her diagnosis. I think that this was an intentional thing. Shawndra is a friend that I loved to work with, and enjoyed being around. Colby and I went to her wedding, and we were pregnant at the same time. Hearing that she had been diagnosed with an illness that had a life expectancy of a year or so hit home HARD. I had a very hard time at first, I wanted to have hope for her. Slowly though, I found it easier to not keep up with her. In my mind I guess I thought this would make it all go away. If I wasn't thinking about all the pain her and her family were going through, then it wouldn't be so hard for me. I know this is selfish, but it breaks my heart to think about it.

Shawndra has a blog, (that you all should visit) I read it today for the first time in a month or two. I almost started bawling here at work (and may still before I finish this). I know now, that Shawndra will not survive this. She will never get to be the mom to her 3 year old daughter Ella that I get to be to my kids. She will never watch her daughter get ready for Prom, or help her plan her wedding. She will never meet her grand kids or get to grow old with her husband Doug. She will not get to live the life that she had hopes of. I knew all of this once, but it is finally hitting home. I need to be a better support to her and her family. Even if that is just by reading her blog, and praying for her and her family.

I am so blessed, and I need to be more mindful of the little things that make my life so wonderful...that includes all of you.

I have put a link to Shawndra's blog on mine. Check it out if you have time.

The Mac is back!!!

2009-02-18T14:35:00.002-06:00

Apparently our new neighbors have some type of device that was interfering with our old wireless router. The guys at Time Warner were on time and brought me a new brand of router. Voila, it works. Yeah, I am so happy! Now, if I could just get Devon to nap......